Defying Gravity

Did you see Wicked?  I saw it!  I love musicals.  It runs in my family!

I’ve seen some fabulous shows.  I’ve been going since I was in 2^nd grade and saw Annie at the Fisher Theatre.  The big doors so hard to push.  I’ve loved a lot of shows, but I’ve never loved any of them like I loved Wicked. 

My favorite song was ‘defying gravity’.  There are some lyrics that really hit my heart like something I just can’t explain.

I have often wondered if anyone ever thought I’d be… anything.

I will admit, I’ve had some cards stacked against me.  Some by things that were out of my control, and some consequences to my own choices. 

I’d like to just give you my thoughts on some of them.

Why couldn't you have stayed calm, for once! Instead of flying off the handle -- !

I hope you're happy
I hope you're happy now
I hope you're happy how you've
Hurt your cause forever
I hope you think you're clever

Do you know how many times I’ve thought I’ve blown my own cause for Christ because I could not keep my own emotions under control. Anger.  Sadness.  Oh I can tell you that I’ve found myself at the foot of the cross begging, BEGGING for forgiveness for my big mouth.  It’s the thing I pray about the most.

Luke 6:45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

Often my heart is full of hurt.

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by
The rules of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes
And leap...

It's time to try defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
And you can't pull me down

Do you remember when Christ found you?  Do you remember what a wretch you were? Oh I do.  Ugh.  U-G-L-Y. People don’t always know my mess because I don’t broadcast it. I think that if it is needed to be said, I would say it, but sometimes there is no need.  Knowing where I have been and where I am now makes me thankful.  And in that thankfulness I find myself more and more in love with Jesus.  Sometimes I don’t think about where I am going, I just let Him lead me.  It’s scary, and people tell me I’m crazy, just today someone called me insane.  But a lot of times I don’t stop to think about the things He has called me to, because I’d be scared, and He did not create me with a spirit of fear.  He created me to love and follow and serve Him.

1 Tim 1:7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline

I'm through accepting limits
Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love, I guess I've lost
Well if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost

I'd sooner buy defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

The funny part of my life is that I am not sure if I ever did what was expected of me, because I didn’t really know what people expected of me.  I think I thought they just thought I was trash, and didn’t know what to do with me.  At some point I figured out that I wasn’t. But I lived a life afraid to step out. 

Go to Africa?  Are you kidding me? Most are afraid for me to go to Juarez.  When those schedules are put together, I am not scared. Sometimes if the voices in my head get too loud, I start to become afraid and worry, but I know that if God is truly with me, and I believe He is, then what is there to be afraid of!

Romans 8:31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

Glinda, come with me. Think of what we could do -together!

I think of people who don’t know Jesus, who don’t know their gifts.  I think of the body of Christ, and how when we all work together, it is truly glorious.

1 Cor 12:12-14 ¹² Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For we were all baptized by[c] one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. 14 Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.

Tell them how I am defying gravity
I'm flying high, defying gravity
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!!

I know a lot of people think I’m crazy.  How can I do things like go to Africa? Run marathons?  What makes me think I can do it?  Jesus.  In Him, I can do anything. 

Phil 4:13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

That means that I no longer have to live afraid.  It means that chains that have bound me for so long, will no longer bind me.  If I fail, I don’t fail because I didn’t try.  I give my all to whatever I am called to.  Whatever the cause, I will strive until the end comes.  Living a life loving Jesus.

Phil 3:12-14 12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Back on Track

I decided to join WW online.  I don't want to fool myself and even THINK I am going to make the meetings, I don't have the time.  But I love that I can track all my points, get encouragement, etc.

I've also started going back to the gym.  Day 2 was difficult. Don't you hate it when that happens?  You're all excited and motivated to get going and then day 2 you work a ton of hours, your stress level is higher, it's Christmas time after all, so there is LOTS to do... and for me it means 1/2 hour on the bike (I realize that is not much, but I am not released to do anything else and it's more than I was doing).  I didn't want to, but I had already written it down, so I needed to go :)

I have to say that was a long 1/2 hour.  I was tired, but I did it!  And this morning, I am better for it!  I have lots of energy as I start my day!  I won't bore you with what I've accomplished (I usually do) but it's probably more than some people do all day!

So here I go!  Day 3!  I will be at the gym today!  I will count my points!  And I will stay focused on Jesus!

Everyday I am a little closer to running a marathon!

Not defined

Yesterday, I had no choice but to go get a new pair of jeans.  One size BIGGER than I had.  Seriously, it was getting ridiculous how uncomfortable I was.

At some point (not sure which point, or if I'll ever be back there again...) I realized... I am not defined by a pair of jeans.

Here's the deal, I know what size I am.  I don't need anyone to remind me.  I would like to lose weight.  But until I get a really good 'all clear' from the doc, I can't really exercise like I'd like.   I don't need a pair of stupid tight jeans to remind me of the lack of exercise and the poor choices in food I've made.

I know that I struggle with my weight and food, I always have, and I might always, I don't know.  Maybe it's that in some way I am not surrendering this part of my life over to Jesus... hmmmm..  food for thought (LOL!).

I was listening (OVER AND OVER) to the song Aftermath by Hillsong United today.  And I was praying for my heart to surrender this to Him.  To remember that I am not defined by food, by jeans, by anything other than Him.  This is not to say that I am giving myself permission to make poor choices, or give up this battle. This is to say that I refuse to wear those things around my neck like an anchor, that causes me to sink lower and lower.



"Aftermath"

[Verse 1:]
The skies lay low where You are
On the earth You rest Your feet
Yet the hands that cradle the stars
Are the hands that bled for me

[Chorus 1:]
In a moment of glorious surrender
You were broken for all the world to see
Lifted out of the ashes
I am found in the aftermath

[Verse 2:]
Freedom found in Your scars
In Your grace my life redeemed
For You chose to take the sinner's crown
As You placed Your crown on me

[Chorus 2 :]
In that moment of glorious surrender
Was the moment You broke the chains in me
Lifted out of the ashes
I am found in the aftermath

And in that moment You opened up the heavens
To the broken the beggar and the thief
Lifted out of the wreckage
I find hope in the aftermath

[Bridge:]
And I know that You're with me
Yes I know that You're with me here
And I know Your love will light the way

[Chorus 3:]
Now all I have I count it all as loss
But to know You and to carry the cross
Knowing I'm found
In the light of the aftermath

More than a conqueror!

The last few weeks have been difficult.  No gym, slowed down in just my average day, tons of stress.  It's been difficult.

I'm thankful for a lot of things...  I started to put together a plan of what I will do when I get the boot off, and the crutches are just something that stands in my closet... but until then... my pants are getting tighter.  I could give you a million excuses.  But I won't.

Not only have I been using my crutches to stand me up, I've been using food as a crutch to make it through each day... I didn't really notice how bad until I reached for a bag of M&M's before I had to make a difficult phone call.  OUCH!

I was listening to a sermon today that referenced something that RT Kendall said...  you can measure someone's spiritual maturity by how long it takes them to confess their sin and repent.  WOW! That's good.  I am surely not very mature, however, it didn't take me long to figure it out, bring it the surface and give it to God.

Also, the problem with making plans too far out, my plan is to get a trainer, back to the gym... is that sometimes I tend to do nothing now or I make plans to relax, eat what I want... my day will come soon enough, but that's really not ok.  God doesn't call us to stand on the side lines in order to bring Him glory, there are things I can do now.  I can do my kettle ball, shoulders, arms.  Crunches, leg lifts, sit ups.  All I can do while being off my leg.

And so today... I started. Back to it.  More fruits and veggies, planning my meals.  I won't quit quitting! I am a conqueror, I am MORE than a conqueror in Christ Jesus.

So here I go... again!

Romans 8:31-39 ³¹ What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ³³Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. ³⁴ Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. ³⁵ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ³⁶ As it is written:

   “For your sake we face death all day long;
   we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”^[a]

 ³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[b] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Life plan?

I taped my life plan up in my kitchen, so I wouldn't waver.  I waved.  Like a Disney Princess in a Parade.  :/

So here I am today, back on the life plan.  So many people are dying around me, having strokes, cancer.  It sucks.  So I am going to do something about it... so here I go!

Last night I did my 100 situps. Went to the gym Monday, and THIS morning!  Read my bible.  Acts 6-8, and 3 days in my chronological bible, God spoke!  I love it!

So here I go... again!  You can check out my plan!  Plus people keep telling me I'm inspiring... so I better be!

http://itsnotaboutfood.blogspot.com/2011/07/living-life-in-3d.html

Keep going!!! Marathon & my heart!

I’ve been discouraged about running. I miss it. I miss just deciding at a moment’s notice that I will get pop on my shoes and hit the pavement. I miss that if I ate too much of something, a good run can combat that. I miss the feeling I get from running. I miss that feeling of knowing that I was doing something greater than me by running a marathon.


I’ve been asking God to speak to me about it. I’m planning on meeting and cheering my friends on as they run, and also my plan was that as soon as I am cleared to run, I will start training (slowly) to run the marathon on April. I wasn’t planning on giving up the dream of sending $2620 to 4-more for wells ($100 for every mile I run).

But like in most of the things in my life I was getting discouraged. Until yesterday. God blew my socks off. I was talking to a complete stranger about my boot and how I hurt my foot (to be perfectly honest I wondered why he even cared about my boot, he didn’t even know me), and when I told him why I was running a marathon… he handed me $20! WOW! What an encouragement! And then! At RC Detroit, the Pastor asks for anyone who needs prayer, I was going to raise my hand but I didn’t, but my friend Netta came up to me and prayed for me foot and my heart (both in need of healing!). I have no idea what made my friend come pray for me but I am glad she did, there is something about being lifted up in prayer that can change our hearts. And to have the confirmation of the $20 that will go towards my goal was like having God whisper in my ear – if I bring you to it, I’ll bring you through it.

It is amazing how when we can feel His eyes on us it can change our hearts and our attitudes!

Zumba & the gym...

I went to Zumba today.  I seriously forgot how much I love love love it.  Can't wait to go back next week!  I actually am considering going back to Anytime Fitness in Flat Rock because it's such a great gym, need to weigh out (get it) the distance!

Ran 4.63 miles yesterday, thought I was running 4 so that extra was great!  I already have next Sunday's 6-something run plotted out.  To say I can't wait would be lying, but I'm looking forward to completing it.

My friend Susie, well, she was a trainer last year, she is always posting great stuff, she posted this the other day:

What do I fear?
I fear stagnation and lack of progress.
I fear never reaching my potential and being average.
I fear being forgotten…The past…Yesterday’s news.
I fear giving up and being passed by, going softly into that good night.
I fear settling, giving in to the “that’s just the way it is” mindset.
I fear not feeling these fears anymore and just floating along.
These fears feed me, they nourish my drive.
I love my fear

–Sean Nelson

I super loved this, so now it's on my cupboard at home.  Trying to stay motivated, thankful, I found the release I was looking for!

Yes, I do realize I'm fat and the shape I am is a circle, so I'm working on it!

Be inspired!  Be inspiring!