Defying Gravity

Did you see Wicked?  I saw it!  I love musicals.  It runs in my family!

I’ve seen some fabulous shows.  I’ve been going since I was in 2^nd grade and saw Annie at the Fisher Theatre.  The big doors so hard to push.  I’ve loved a lot of shows, but I’ve never loved any of them like I loved Wicked. 

My favorite song was ‘defying gravity’.  There are some lyrics that really hit my heart like something I just can’t explain.

I have often wondered if anyone ever thought I’d be… anything.

I will admit, I’ve had some cards stacked against me.  Some by things that were out of my control, and some consequences to my own choices. 

I’d like to just give you my thoughts on some of them.

Why couldn't you have stayed calm, for once! Instead of flying off the handle -- !

I hope you're happy
I hope you're happy now
I hope you're happy how you've
Hurt your cause forever
I hope you think you're clever

Do you know how many times I’ve thought I’ve blown my own cause for Christ because I could not keep my own emotions under control. Anger.  Sadness.  Oh I can tell you that I’ve found myself at the foot of the cross begging, BEGGING for forgiveness for my big mouth.  It’s the thing I pray about the most.

Luke 6:45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

Often my heart is full of hurt.

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by
The rules of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes
And leap...

It's time to try defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
And you can't pull me down

Do you remember when Christ found you?  Do you remember what a wretch you were? Oh I do.  Ugh.  U-G-L-Y. People don’t always know my mess because I don’t broadcast it. I think that if it is needed to be said, I would say it, but sometimes there is no need.  Knowing where I have been and where I am now makes me thankful.  And in that thankfulness I find myself more and more in love with Jesus.  Sometimes I don’t think about where I am going, I just let Him lead me.  It’s scary, and people tell me I’m crazy, just today someone called me insane.  But a lot of times I don’t stop to think about the things He has called me to, because I’d be scared, and He did not create me with a spirit of fear.  He created me to love and follow and serve Him.

1 Tim 1:7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline

I'm through accepting limits
Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love, I guess I've lost
Well if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost

I'd sooner buy defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

The funny part of my life is that I am not sure if I ever did what was expected of me, because I didn’t really know what people expected of me.  I think I thought they just thought I was trash, and didn’t know what to do with me.  At some point I figured out that I wasn’t. But I lived a life afraid to step out. 

Go to Africa?  Are you kidding me? Most are afraid for me to go to Juarez.  When those schedules are put together, I am not scared. Sometimes if the voices in my head get too loud, I start to become afraid and worry, but I know that if God is truly with me, and I believe He is, then what is there to be afraid of!

Romans 8:31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

Glinda, come with me. Think of what we could do -together!

I think of people who don’t know Jesus, who don’t know their gifts.  I think of the body of Christ, and how when we all work together, it is truly glorious.

1 Cor 12:12-14 ¹² Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For we were all baptized by[c] one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. 14 Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.

Tell them how I am defying gravity
I'm flying high, defying gravity
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!!

I know a lot of people think I’m crazy.  How can I do things like go to Africa? Run marathons?  What makes me think I can do it?  Jesus.  In Him, I can do anything. 

Phil 4:13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

That means that I no longer have to live afraid.  It means that chains that have bound me for so long, will no longer bind me.  If I fail, I don’t fail because I didn’t try.  I give my all to whatever I am called to.  Whatever the cause, I will strive until the end comes.  Living a life loving Jesus.

Phil 3:12-14 12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Back on Track

I decided to join WW online.  I don't want to fool myself and even THINK I am going to make the meetings, I don't have the time.  But I love that I can track all my points, get encouragement, etc.

I've also started going back to the gym.  Day 2 was difficult. Don't you hate it when that happens?  You're all excited and motivated to get going and then day 2 you work a ton of hours, your stress level is higher, it's Christmas time after all, so there is LOTS to do... and for me it means 1/2 hour on the bike (I realize that is not much, but I am not released to do anything else and it's more than I was doing).  I didn't want to, but I had already written it down, so I needed to go :)

I have to say that was a long 1/2 hour.  I was tired, but I did it!  And this morning, I am better for it!  I have lots of energy as I start my day!  I won't bore you with what I've accomplished (I usually do) but it's probably more than some people do all day!

So here I go!  Day 3!  I will be at the gym today!  I will count my points!  And I will stay focused on Jesus!

Everyday I am a little closer to running a marathon!

Not defined

Yesterday, I had no choice but to go get a new pair of jeans.  One size BIGGER than I had.  Seriously, it was getting ridiculous how uncomfortable I was.

At some point (not sure which point, or if I'll ever be back there again...) I realized... I am not defined by a pair of jeans.

Here's the deal, I know what size I am.  I don't need anyone to remind me.  I would like to lose weight.  But until I get a really good 'all clear' from the doc, I can't really exercise like I'd like.   I don't need a pair of stupid tight jeans to remind me of the lack of exercise and the poor choices in food I've made.

I know that I struggle with my weight and food, I always have, and I might always, I don't know.  Maybe it's that in some way I am not surrendering this part of my life over to Jesus... hmmmm..  food for thought (LOL!).

I was listening (OVER AND OVER) to the song Aftermath by Hillsong United today.  And I was praying for my heart to surrender this to Him.  To remember that I am not defined by food, by jeans, by anything other than Him.  This is not to say that I am giving myself permission to make poor choices, or give up this battle. This is to say that I refuse to wear those things around my neck like an anchor, that causes me to sink lower and lower.



"Aftermath"

[Verse 1:]
The skies lay low where You are
On the earth You rest Your feet
Yet the hands that cradle the stars
Are the hands that bled for me

[Chorus 1:]
In a moment of glorious surrender
You were broken for all the world to see
Lifted out of the ashes
I am found in the aftermath

[Verse 2:]
Freedom found in Your scars
In Your grace my life redeemed
For You chose to take the sinner's crown
As You placed Your crown on me

[Chorus 2 :]
In that moment of glorious surrender
Was the moment You broke the chains in me
Lifted out of the ashes
I am found in the aftermath

And in that moment You opened up the heavens
To the broken the beggar and the thief
Lifted out of the wreckage
I find hope in the aftermath

[Bridge:]
And I know that You're with me
Yes I know that You're with me here
And I know Your love will light the way

[Chorus 3:]
Now all I have I count it all as loss
But to know You and to carry the cross
Knowing I'm found
In the light of the aftermath

More than a conqueror!

The last few weeks have been difficult.  No gym, slowed down in just my average day, tons of stress.  It's been difficult.

I'm thankful for a lot of things...  I started to put together a plan of what I will do when I get the boot off, and the crutches are just something that stands in my closet... but until then... my pants are getting tighter.  I could give you a million excuses.  But I won't.

Not only have I been using my crutches to stand me up, I've been using food as a crutch to make it through each day... I didn't really notice how bad until I reached for a bag of M&M's before I had to make a difficult phone call.  OUCH!

I was listening to a sermon today that referenced something that RT Kendall said...  you can measure someone's spiritual maturity by how long it takes them to confess their sin and repent.  WOW! That's good.  I am surely not very mature, however, it didn't take me long to figure it out, bring it the surface and give it to God.

Also, the problem with making plans too far out, my plan is to get a trainer, back to the gym... is that sometimes I tend to do nothing now or I make plans to relax, eat what I want... my day will come soon enough, but that's really not ok.  God doesn't call us to stand on the side lines in order to bring Him glory, there are things I can do now.  I can do my kettle ball, shoulders, arms.  Crunches, leg lifts, sit ups.  All I can do while being off my leg.

And so today... I started. Back to it.  More fruits and veggies, planning my meals.  I won't quit quitting! I am a conqueror, I am MORE than a conqueror in Christ Jesus.

So here I go... again!

Romans 8:31-39 ³¹ What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ³³Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. ³⁴ Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. ³⁵ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ³⁶ As it is written:

   “For your sake we face death all day long;
   we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”^[a]

 ³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[b] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Life plan?

I taped my life plan up in my kitchen, so I wouldn't waver.  I waved.  Like a Disney Princess in a Parade.  :/

So here I am today, back on the life plan.  So many people are dying around me, having strokes, cancer.  It sucks.  So I am going to do something about it... so here I go!

Last night I did my 100 situps. Went to the gym Monday, and THIS morning!  Read my bible.  Acts 6-8, and 3 days in my chronological bible, God spoke!  I love it!

So here I go... again!  You can check out my plan!  Plus people keep telling me I'm inspiring... so I better be!

http://itsnotaboutfood.blogspot.com/2011/07/living-life-in-3d.html

Keep going!!! Marathon & my heart!

I’ve been discouraged about running. I miss it. I miss just deciding at a moment’s notice that I will get pop on my shoes and hit the pavement. I miss that if I ate too much of something, a good run can combat that. I miss the feeling I get from running. I miss that feeling of knowing that I was doing something greater than me by running a marathon.


I’ve been asking God to speak to me about it. I’m planning on meeting and cheering my friends on as they run, and also my plan was that as soon as I am cleared to run, I will start training (slowly) to run the marathon on April. I wasn’t planning on giving up the dream of sending $2620 to 4-more for wells ($100 for every mile I run).

But like in most of the things in my life I was getting discouraged. Until yesterday. God blew my socks off. I was talking to a complete stranger about my boot and how I hurt my foot (to be perfectly honest I wondered why he even cared about my boot, he didn’t even know me), and when I told him why I was running a marathon… he handed me $20! WOW! What an encouragement! And then! At RC Detroit, the Pastor asks for anyone who needs prayer, I was going to raise my hand but I didn’t, but my friend Netta came up to me and prayed for me foot and my heart (both in need of healing!). I have no idea what made my friend come pray for me but I am glad she did, there is something about being lifted up in prayer that can change our hearts. And to have the confirmation of the $20 that will go towards my goal was like having God whisper in my ear – if I bring you to it, I’ll bring you through it.

It is amazing how when we can feel His eyes on us it can change our hearts and our attitudes!

Zumba & the gym...

I went to Zumba today.  I seriously forgot how much I love love love it.  Can't wait to go back next week!  I actually am considering going back to Anytime Fitness in Flat Rock because it's such a great gym, need to weigh out (get it) the distance!

Ran 4.63 miles yesterday, thought I was running 4 so that extra was great!  I already have next Sunday's 6-something run plotted out.  To say I can't wait would be lying, but I'm looking forward to completing it.

My friend Susie, well, she was a trainer last year, she is always posting great stuff, she posted this the other day:

What do I fear?
I fear stagnation and lack of progress.
I fear never reaching my potential and being average.
I fear being forgotten…The past…Yesterday’s news.
I fear giving up and being passed by, going softly into that good night.
I fear settling, giving in to the “that’s just the way it is” mindset.
I fear not feeling these fears anymore and just floating along.
These fears feed me, they nourish my drive.
I love my fear

–Sean Nelson

I super loved this, so now it's on my cupboard at home.  Trying to stay motivated, thankful, I found the release I was looking for!

Yes, I do realize I'm fat and the shape I am is a circle, so I'm working on it!

Be inspired!  Be inspiring!

light overcame darkness!

Does the word vacation frighten you a little?  It does me.  I almost always overeat on vacation.  I hate that about me, and I don't know why I do it, knowing the consequences, quite frankly not sure why I do it the days I'm not on vacation too.

We are up in Traverse City for a long weekend.  WOW!  it's been so great!  I've also been eating well and today I got my second run in the morning!  Yesterday 2.8 miles, this morning 3.  There's a sub close that I can run it, and so I am happy to report I got in two good runs.  Maybe not long ones, but at the end of them both I felt exhilarated and a little tired at the same time.  That is a good run.  Once I finished cooling down I remembered why it is that I loved to run last year. 

I try to only listen to music that is honoring to God so that when I run, it is full on worship.  Today I contemplated the first 5 verses of John 1 (insprired by Chilly.)
¹ In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ² He was with God in the beginning. ³ Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. ⁴ In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. ⁵ The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

I was thinking about how hard sometimes it really is to run.  how hard it is to run when you are fat!  But sometimes I just know that God created me for something way more than just to be fat.  He created me to be an overcomer!  and sometimes I have to really fight off the "you're too's" that have been said to me in my life, and all the things that I hate about myself.  But here's the crazy thing, and you might just know that I've gone over the deep end loving Jesus when I say this...

God's light shines in my life, into my heart, so when the darkness comes and tries to steal my joy, from the reminders of double chins, fat stomachs, wide hips, a big butt, that the shape I am is a circle instead of a pretty hourglass, I am reminded that I can overcome, that God's light shines in the darkness, that I can do this, I can be a marathon finisher (not sure if I can run the whole thing) in October, and that it means that each week, I must add 2-3 miles to my long runs, but I can do it, because it's just 1/2 mile a run.  I can do that.  That's easy :)  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4:13).

Look out darkness, you're about to be overcome!!!!

Back to the Drawing Board

You know that I have 4 or 5 (or 10) WW books at home that never make it past week 13.  Well, now I have one that is at week 14.  And did you know that you get a silly award at 16 weeks.  I know!  Makes me just want to get that award.

I've had a rough couple weeks.  Last night though, I made it back (I skipped last week).  To be honest, I was +.8 but I think it may have been worse had I not been running/on my bike the last couple weeks.

I am taking my bike to Traverse City, my goal will be to enjoy some quiet time on the porch in the morning AFTER I ride for a couple miles along the water :)  I also plan on running while I am up there (maybe in the evenings, then I can enjoy some quiet time on the porch AFTER I run).  I also plan on enjoying marshmallows too!

If I bite it, I'll write it, if I nibble it, I'll scribble it, if I drink it, I'll ink it.

You're only a failure if you quit trying!

Won't it be amazing if I come BACK from vacation a LOSER!!!

Living life in 3D

I really admire Pastor Chilly who is the Pastor at Real Church in the D. He lets Jesus use him to bring Hope to Detroit.  He brings a real/relevant and usually 'whoa' message every week.  I can't think of a time when I didn't leave challenged by a message he has delivered (and his awesome wife Netta is an awesome friend to me!)  Pastor Chilly has a Real Life Plan. ** one thing (there are many!) I admire about Pastor Chilly is that he leads by example, and he admits when he is less than perfect!

I like to think of it as living life in 3D.

Diet
Devotional
Discipline

You can check out his Real Life Plan here.

It is such a great way to think about it! For some people losing weight may be a diet, a quick fix to lose weight, but to me, it’s about what you eat, the good and the bad (and sometimes the ugly!).

Merriam Webster says Diet can be defined as:

a : food and drink regularly provided or consumedb : habitual nourishmentc : the kind and amount of food prescribed for a person or animal for a special reasond : a regimen of eating and drinking sparingly so as to reduce one's weight
2: something provided or experienced repeatedly

I wrote out my own Real Life Plan:
Diet:
Stay within my WW points (32 + 47 extra)
Drink 96 ounces of water (minimum) – that’s ¾ gallon
Eat 5-7 servings of fruits and veggies (must be 0 point per WW guidelines)
Eat whole grains instead of ‘white’ carbs
Don’t overstuff myself – hey… what’s wrong with leftovers?
Eat in-between meals – but it must be a fruit or a veggie + protein

I am not going to limit myself with “don’t’s” as long as it is within my points.

Devotion:
Read my bible everyday
– I am in a study with friends with daily reading of the Chronological Bible
– 5 chapters a week with ‘my girls’ – currently we are studying Ezekial
– Memorize one scripture a week
– Dieter’s Prayer Book Devotional
– Live Loved/My Utmost for His Highest Devotional
– Journal/Blog
– Live Phil 3:13-14 EVERYDAY!

Discipline:
100 sit-ups everyday
Get 6-7 hours of sleep a night
Run/Go to gym 4 days a week
Read a God honoring book a month
More reading

When asked to comment today, here were my answers:
Diet: some good days… some not so good, I weigh in today at Weight Watchers. so who knows but I have been working on getting my fruits and veggies in. (+1.4 this week :/)
Devotion: probably best it’s ever been. it’s kind of crazy for me because I kind of felt like the ‘world’ was trying to invade my space, so I took that space and filled it with God’s Word – daily reading of the Chronological bible, reading 5 chapters a week/note taking on the book of Ezekial with my 11th grade girls I lead, following the Real church bible reading plan, and reading the ‘Utmost’ daily devotional, plus one from a dieter’s prayer devotional… And just started Rob Bell’s ‘Love wins’ and going to start ‘the poor will be glad’. (yeah – I know kind of crazy but I cut back on the TV I was watching, realized it wasn’t worthy of my time!)
Discipline: Only ran once this week (but it’s only Tuesday), plan on getting in 3 miles at least once, and gonna shoot for 4 on Saturday.

Sometimes you get what you deserve...

Warning, this post may contain TMI for some... don't say I didn't warn you...

I didn't post my loss (or gain) on FB last week. i was disappointed that I had gained another pound. I must confess, I deserved it (and probably more to tell you the truth). i celebrated and kind of wallowed that week/weekend before the weigh in, so that's what happens...

This week, back on track. Went bike riding, running, went for a walk yesterday with one of my girls, we walked about 2.75 miles. Stayed within my points all week, still have quite a few of the 'extra' points left.

I'm back to planning my meals, which helps out IMMENSELY!

The problem is that my 'aunt flo' came to visit this week, and that can throw everything off! So I am not sure how I am going to do, I know that my own scale at home is moving in the right direction :)

So not sure what the scale will say, but this may be one of those weeks when I just have to say 'the scale doesn't define me' because I know it's been full of good choices!

I will find victory!

I’m a little disappointed in +.8 this week. Of course, being that I had ALL my favorites at the grad party, it could have been so much worse.

I will find victory.

I will find victory in the fact that as stressed as I got at one point or another, I turned to Jesus, not food.

I will find victory in the fact that I ate 3 cookies, not 3 plate fulls.

I will find victory that in my favorites, there were healthy options for me and others!

I will find victory in ONLY +.8 when it could have easily been +8 (you know it’s true)

I will find victory in that I am an overcomer!

I will find victory that tomorrow is a new day!

I will find victory in that I’m still a loser (overall) and that makes me a winner!

as of late....

So I weighed in Tuesday, was thrilled, -2.2.  Total since back to WW, -15! 

Phyllis’s party is Satruday, and we have another party Sunday. Of all the things I am stressed out about… what the heck I’m going to eat on Saturday is top of the list! I want to have whatever I want, there’s a reason why I chose the food I did, I love it!!  And let’s just not forget that I could eat my weight (which is a lot) in homemade potato salad (I’m completely serious about this!). 

My next goal is –20.  I’m giving myself a month.  1 month, 5 lbs, seems reasonable.  Starting Sunday I will be running again.  I have put off my training long enough, I have to get in the game.  I have been so busy, but I need to make it a priority and I will be running 5 & 10K’s as some added ‘fun’.  Fun?  I know… not really.  So soon I’ll be checking for them.

So that’s it.  Stressed about eating…  yikes… 

I did download the free Craving God devotional onto my nook, it was free!  So I think that will also help, you can get it online too, delivered right to your emailbox.

Check out the website http://madetocrave.org/

Fat Club

I joined the fat club at work.  I was the first girl.  You put in $100 and in 12 weeks (or something) you need to lose 10 pounds. It’s totally doable in a safe way and it’s good motivation.  If you lose the 10 pounds, you get your money back, and anyone who doesn’t, their money goes into the pool and divided amongst anyone who does.

Soooo…. By the standards of every scale I weigh on, I’m there, EXCEPT the scale at work.  I seriously think it’s broken! I weigh in today, so I don’t know what the WW scale will same (I’m hoping for -2.2) and I’m going to be close by the changes in my scales.

I am trying not to think about it, I weigh in June 30, it is what it is.  I know that I’ve done a good job in making choices of what to eat and what not to eat.  I’ve counted my points, even yesterday, I was hungry, I didn’t have any points left for the day (I had 36 points left from my extra) but since today is weigh in day, I chose strawberries instead of anything else.

Of course we want to win.  But thankfully, this battle, it’s already won by the Lord, I just need to stay in His path, He will take care of it all.


James 4:1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?


P.S I bought a pair of Capri's about 6 weeks ago... they were kind of tight... yesterday I got them off, without struggle and i didn't have to unbutton or unzip them :)

Everyday is a struggle

Everyday is a struggle for me, especially when I'm tired, when I'm emotional.

Today was one of the those days.  I'm both.  So on days like to day, I try to find victory in the smallest of things.  I passed on a cupcake (I did!) and I didn't eat mayo because it wasn't the olive oil kind (I did that too).

It might not seem like a big deal, however, we make millions of choices in our lifetime, they make up who we are, and today, I am successful!

Why I passed on ice cream...

Yesterday my name was on the board for a free Medium Ice cream sundae at a local Dairy Queen near my house. Let me tell you I was so excited to see my name that I almost drove off the road. True Story.


I had decided that I would go after I got done grocery shopping, I had also decided that I might just eat that for lunch instead of real food. True Story.

I love grocery shopping. I mean I LOVE LOVE LOVE it! I was thinking about how much weight I had lost so far, last week -4.6, -11.6 total for 6 weeks. I think about this while grocery shopping because it helps me to stay on track.

I have PCOS. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I am on 3 different meds to get rid of it. FOR GOOD. A big part of PCOS has to do with insulin production, and I am on Metphormin that is a treatment for Diabetes. I hate being on meds, but I also hate feeling like crap more. Another thing I am on is Adipex. This one I really hate. It makes me hyper and increases the rate of my heart. It is indeed a ‘diet pill’. I didn’t want to go on it, and I take half the prescribed dose because the doc did say that one full pill might be too much.

Anyway back to the ice cream. I decided that I want to get healthy. And we did have Roma’s the night before. And so I decided that I did not need the ice cream. I want to be healthy, I was thinking about how I want to live a long healthy life. In church on Sunday, Phyllis put her head on my shoulder as we were listening to the pastor teach. And as I thought about that ice cream, I thought, I’d like to have my granddaughter do that while we are sitting in church. It might mean that I will have to pass on ice cream sometimes, but I think it will be worth it.
On my mom's side...  my grandma never met me, my mom never met Phyllis... I'd like to break that cycle.

Sharing my Journey

I’m pretty excited about my weightloss this week!  -4.6 pounds!  Last week was +1.6 so seeing that number was pretty freaking awesome!  The best part? They asked me what brought me back to WW and I got to tell them, Jesus!  And the woman in front of me said ‘I’m not very religious, but I pray’.  Hmmm… maybe this is going to be a time to share the love of Jesus with her!  Every week I can’t wait to encourage her! 

I was thinking about the verse Josh 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

So true!  Don’t be discouraged. I thought I could have easily gone back to the old way of eating, skipped WW all together but this is my journey right now. It’s hard and exciting! 

I hit my first and second goal this week!  Woo hoo!!

It is what it is...

This past week has been crazy.  when you fail to plan you plan to fail.  isn't that my personality?  I'm such a planner.

It was a crazy week, followed by a crazy weekend of pizza.

I weighed in...  +1.6 OUCH!  but it does not define me.

I made every choice to put that food in my mouth to end up with the results I did.

When I sent my little Phyllis a text she said 'good thing there's next week'.  She's so supportive.

I've been really tired at night lately.  Trouble getting off the couch.  That's not like me.  Gonna get back on my some of my supplements, I've been off them for awhile and I think I need to get back on them!

I'm going to the endcrinologist today about my PCOS.  Not sure what he will say, but I'm excited (kind of) to kick this in the butt and move on!

It's a week ahead of good choices!

This week's results!

So… I went to weight watchers yesterday… and I would have been happy with just breaking even. I know that late in the game (WW week) I ate things that were not the best choices, I wrote it all down


If you…

Bite it you write it
Drink it you ink it
Snack it you track it

Somehow I was -.4 which was good, I was happy! Sometimes a little grace goes your way. Sometimes you follow program to the ‘T’ and you don’t lose. The point is that this is a way of life, not a diet.

Our Pastor said before that success is doing the right things for long periods of time. Truth.

So this weekend will consist of working the garage and that will be some major calorie burnage. I’m hoping for a good week next week, I’d like to get to -10 soon! Right now -8.6 not too bad for my third weigh in (~1 month on the program).

Yesterday we ate at Johnny Carino’s… ate way too much bread and pasta, but it’s the meal after weight watchers so I pretty much eat whatever I want. It was YUMMY!

Today it’s back to program! Snacks packed, blueberries and bananas, and just figuring out what’s for lunch!

Grace.

I'm quite sure....

if I hated to eat, I’d be skinny LOL


What a weekend! I made lots of yummy food for a fundraiser dinner and then Sunday made tacos for lunch, and we had pizza and salad for dinner! Yum! I also made chocolate chip cookies for dessert to love on my family a little! I did write it all down, gotta figure out the points, but it’s written down!

I blew it, I expect to gain weight this week (weigh on Tuesday) but it is what it is. We move on or we move up (in weight) so today, I started with my usual 4 point breakfast and banana, had some blueberries for a snack and I will have a sensible dinner with veggies, no point in beating myself up about it. Some weeks are a little better than others, the cold rainy weather isn’t helping my running/exercise!

Planned my meals for the week, thankful that our mercies are new every morning!

Not defined!

Today is WW weigh in day. I don’t know how it happened that Tuesdays ended up my day, but I love the meeting lady, so I’ll stick with it, it does make me accountable over the weekend and makes me choose wisely. AND write all my points down.


I received the dining out companion and the big book of points plus AND it had the 3 month tracker, and I didn’t even know that was in there so I was super excited (doesn’t take much, huh?)

I did well this week, I watched everyday and did not have an ice cream on Sunday, even though I wanted it because I just didn’t have enough points. I plan a lot better and choose wisely. I don’t know how it happens some days and I know that even if I ‘fall off’ for one meal, it does not give me a pass to just go crazy.

I’m on a new medication for my PCOS and I don’t know if it’s working, apparently it takes 2 weeks to really get going in your system, and this is starting week 3. So we will see.

I believe that I cannot be measured by someone else’s ruler, and the scale does not define me. I did well this week, exercised, made good choices, and it doesn’t all come off in one week, and I had a great week this week.

So whatever the scale says, it doesn’t matter, I feel good this week putting healthy things in my body, not shoving my face into a vat of ice cream when my heart was breaking over missing my mom!

His grace is sufficient!

2 Cor 12:9 (NLT) Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

Breakfast

You should always eat breakfast, that's what they say.  I agree, I'm hungry the moment my feet hit the floor in the morning.  Finding a low point breakfast that holds me over till 10AM snack time can be tricky, especially if you hate oatmeal and yogurt.  I'm happy to say I found one...

1 Whole Wheat English Muffin (Good health brand I think) 2 pts
3 egg whites cooked with spinach (1)
1 swiss laughing cow cheese (1)

This is yummy and quick and holds me over :) 

It took me some trial and error of how many points things are on the new system.

BTW... PB&J... 7 points, what the heck!
4 points for the bread (whole wheat)
2 points for PB
1 point for fruit spread...

But I do love me some PB&J!  LOVELOVELOVE!

Thanks to a run I got to eat an extra half of one yesterday!!  woooo hoooooo!!!!  Almost as good as ice cream (that's how much I love PB&J)

Err on the side of grace

Some people do really well on their own, me I need support, and accountability.  I need other people's ideas, etc.

After a long fight with pride, I rejoined Weight Watchers.  Talked to some peeps about their newest program, and I must say... I think I'm gonna like it.  I mean as much as you can like not getting to eat whatever you want and as much as you want... but I'll like it more than being fat, thank you very much.

So... I'm sure a lot of people think 'oh here she goes again, fallen, I wonder how long she will last this time?'  There are so many times we fall, we get back up, we go running back into the arms of God, for whatever our struggle is.  And I always think we should err on the side of grace. Forgive people, lift them up, even if they might fall again.  Err on the side of love...  I do that for others, but I'm so hard on myself! 

Well, here's the thing, I'm erring on the side of grace for me.  No more self loathing. Even to the point that I cleaned out my closet and if the clothes weren't within one size (down) of where I am now, they are getting donated.  No more self loathing (every time i looked at those size 8 pants I'd think 'you're such an idiot, a failure! - NO MORE OF THAT!).  Half the fun of losing weight is buying new clothes anyway! 

So here I go... (again)...

2 Cor 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

I'm working on it

The other day as I was shoving Marissa Lopez's burritos in my mouth, I knew I was eating for pleasure.  With all the stress I have, it is a true miracle I didn't eat all 30 of them that she brought over. 

I've gone back to the old stand-by Andy Stanley best question ever.

Is this a wise decision based on my past experiences, my current circumstances, and my future hopes and dreams?

Please God, let Your Holy Spirit speak to me and through me as I focus on You, and all that You have planned for my life.

Amen!

I must do the work!

If I want something, I must be willing to do the work. I have to say that I haven’t written everything down that I’ve popped in my mouth, I haven’t gotten off the couch and done leg lifts, and sit ups, haven’t covered 2/3 my plate with veggies, haven’t drank my gallon of water everyday. And I can tell, in a lot of ways.


Not as much energy

My clothes don’t fit like I’d like

My size isn’t going down

The scale is telling me a truth that I just don’t like

Here’s the thing, I must be willing to do the work.

I must do the work of writing things down, I must do the work of cutting up veggies, and planning out meals, I must drink my water, I must take my vitamins, I must plan.

I must get up and run. I must get off the couch and do situps, and leg lifts, and arm exercises, a healthy, strong core is important!

However.

This is not just about food for me, its about feelings, and comfort. I must also be willing to hear what God has to say to me and to be obedient and follow His direction. It means I must be deliberate in the reading of the bible, to do my bible studies about the things that I struggle with.

I know that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and so is the aisle way to the size of clothes that I don’t like to wear.

I can’t take a pill, a drink meal supplements, I can do those things short term to get started, and be successful, long term, I must be willing to do the work, I must have a plan, I must stick to the plan.

For me, it means I live by faith not by feelings, it means I trust God, I listen to His direction, I pray, I praise, I pray, I praise, I do things that are hard, I do things that hurt, in order to get where I need to get. I think about the ‘Skit Guys’ and their ‘God’s Masterpiece’ skit, you’ll have to look it up on Youtube. Its worth the time to watch it. I have to believe that God is working for my good, that He has my best interest. After all, He did get up on a cross and die for me, I should, and I will live for Him.

I think about how hard it was to finish a mile and 4 months later, I finished a half marathon. Because I was willing to do the work.

Matthew 10:39 Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.