Afraid...

Its dumb to be afraid of a scale. But I know that I can do everything right and still not lose weight. I know that it's 'slow and steady' wins the race, HELLO! I love turtles, remember?

I know to eat things that if it grows in the ground or it has a mama (no processed foods), I know to eat small meals, get in my veggies, eat protein with each snack.

I also know that I'm not doing this by myself. I have supportive friends, but mostly I've chosen to lean on the Lord to conquer this! Last week was horrible, and I've said it - For the first time in my life I chose to God instead of food for comfort. It says in Romans 8:37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us, and I know THAT'S me! I'm an overcomer!! But I also know that on my own, I'm weak, I look to God for strength, it says in Isaiah 40:31 that we must hope in the Lord, that we won't grow weary and that He will keep us going (really, you can look it up yourself) and I'm tired. It also says in James 1 that when we face a trial, that we must keep going we must go to God, He will give us wisdom (you can look that one up too).

And then so tell me, why am I focusing on the past and all the times I didn't succeed. I don't want this to be another weightloss, I want this to be a VICTORY! I said when I started this that I wanted the world to look at me and know I'm different that I could overcome this battle with food, but not all by myself. How can you say you trust God for all things but in some things, you just decide to do it on your own (and fail!)?

I need to keep out of my own way, to continue to let God work in me, and yes focus on eating what's right, and getting healthy, but I need to remember that this battle did not start in my mouth, it started in my heart.

Romans 5:5. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. 6You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.

Trouble

I don't know if trouble is the word... but I know it's there.

Being lonely is a big trigger for eating. I often ate alone on the couch watching TV, which is part of the reason I stopped watching General Hospital. That and unrealistic expectations of relationships (seriously, don't cause yourself to stumble in anyway, it's just dumb).

I have a lot of people around me, however, I often feel lonely. I sometimes feel like I have friends and they are real friends, I just don't feel like they are real. They have pretty Christian smiles and they're trying so hard to be positive, they forget to be real. I'm not saying that positive is bad, I'm just saying I don't always believe in fake it till you make it.

Yesterday I went out to eat, made the right choices on the menu but the food wasn't good (note to you... Hula Bowl at Max and Erma's... yuck! I think it was the dressing because the salad part looked good!). Then I wanted to eat something that was. Thankfully I controlled myself because I always say that risk has consequences. And the risk of the french fries has a consequence of a lower (or none at all) weight loss number this week. NO THANK YOU!

My heart is kind of achy... not a good thing when you find comfort in food, but a really good opportunity to reach out to God. To find comfort in Him, which is where I need to go, and I know it.

I've done well so far... 10.2 lbs, jumped over some pretty big hurdles this week. But sometimes when you're standing at the bottom of the mountain and you're looking up and you're only 1/7 of the way there, it almost looks impossible. I know that I have to take one day at a time, one step at a time, but it certainly looks like a long journey! I know, yes, I know, it's worth the view!

Isaiah 52:7 How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, "Your God reigns!"