So I wanted grilled cheese, I wanted a tuna melt, I wanted...
I got... Subway. Turkey on whole wheat. Albeit I ate the foot long of turkey, but it was good and I am full. I hate being hungry.
5 points for 6", but i added cheese, 2 pts, and mayo another 1, so that means I hate 16 points for lunch, which kind of is high, but I'll behave for dinner, and I should be all good. And i said it was a small victory anyway, I looked on line, tuna melts are anywhere from 19-25 points, and I would have gotten chips or fries... so I think I did ok, I ate things that were good for me, loaded up on the veggies.
Tomorrow is weigh in, I relaly am not sure how i will do, but this I know... I made good choices all week.
Its a journey not a race.
Weight Loss!!
Friday, January 29, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
not leaning on my addiction
Today has been a rough day, and it certainly didn’t help that my mp3 player is at home on my desk and not in my ears… but oh well, that’s the way it goes sometimes.
It was lunch time, off to Panera. Panera is fresh, but not always healthy. If I had my complete choice, I would eat creamy tomato soup with Asiago Roast beef sandwich. Imagine my surprise the day when I found out Creamy Tomato Soup is 9 points, and the ARB sandwich is 8 points (for ½). Holy Cats! But you see, I am learning not to find comfort in food… Hello, I’ve got a butt to prove that does NOT work, besides my disposition is still the same after eating all that comfort food! So instead I chose the Garden Veggie with Pesto, VERY good, 3 points, a much better choice with a Fuji Apple Salad (6). I did eat the chips because they are both 3 points and I’d rather have chippies. OH, and did I mention, I’d love to wash it all down with an 11 point cranberry muffin, but I passed on the cranberry muffin.
So all in all, lunch was 12 points instead of 20 (or 31 if you count the muffin! HA!)
It’s a daily struggle, and the moment that I use food as an addiction is a day that I feel I lean more on satan and less on God. I feel that if I lean towards the addiction, I am binding myself up. I am saying that I am not a victor, especially if it something that I willingly do. It’s one thing to eat something thinking I’m doing well (like the tomato soup counting at 5 points when it’s really 9) but when I say “I want the soup, because I feel I deserve it after the day I’ve had (meaning I am justifying my sin) then I’m saying God, you’re not big enough to get me threw this, I need to deal with the root cause of my issues, not just try to cover them up with a bandaid (or a muffin).
I’m getting there. First step is identifying there is an issue, and then finding out where the issue comes from…
It was lunch time, off to Panera. Panera is fresh, but not always healthy. If I had my complete choice, I would eat creamy tomato soup with Asiago Roast beef sandwich. Imagine my surprise the day when I found out Creamy Tomato Soup is 9 points, and the ARB sandwich is 8 points (for ½). Holy Cats! But you see, I am learning not to find comfort in food… Hello, I’ve got a butt to prove that does NOT work, besides my disposition is still the same after eating all that comfort food! So instead I chose the Garden Veggie with Pesto, VERY good, 3 points, a much better choice with a Fuji Apple Salad (6). I did eat the chips because they are both 3 points and I’d rather have chippies. OH, and did I mention, I’d love to wash it all down with an 11 point cranberry muffin, but I passed on the cranberry muffin.
So all in all, lunch was 12 points instead of 20 (or 31 if you count the muffin! HA!)
It’s a daily struggle, and the moment that I use food as an addiction is a day that I feel I lean more on satan and less on God. I feel that if I lean towards the addiction, I am binding myself up. I am saying that I am not a victor, especially if it something that I willingly do. It’s one thing to eat something thinking I’m doing well (like the tomato soup counting at 5 points when it’s really 9) but when I say “I want the soup, because I feel I deserve it after the day I’ve had (meaning I am justifying my sin) then I’m saying God, you’re not big enough to get me threw this, I need to deal with the root cause of my issues, not just try to cover them up with a bandaid (or a muffin).
I’m getting there. First step is identifying there is an issue, and then finding out where the issue comes from…
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Getting back on track
I don't know what happened to me in 2010 but I did ok that first week, it was our birthday weeks, the week of 4-9 I was up a little but not worried because overall I was down for the holidays... then the week of the retreat happened, I was stressed and tired and honestly just tried to do ok, i didn't weigh in because we were gone.
The weekend of the retreat I did HORRIBLE, OMW! Seriously, there were points when I thought 'why am i eating this?' and took another bite! OMW!!!
So then I'll get back on track Monday, I took a couple of my kids out to eat to Mexican... Yeah, ok, I ate so much I was FULL to the max only to stop at coldstone later and get a 'like it' WTH???
So it's Tuesday... and I am really back on track!
For breakfast I made my own breakfast sandwich...
egg +egg white (2)
morning star sausage patty (2)
spinach (0)
veggie cheese (1)
Arnold bread (1)
for snack celery and that powder peanut butter (1)
Lunch
Bean salad (which BTW is my FAVE!) (5)
afternoon snack
cherry tomatoes & string cheese (1)
I still have 16 left for dinner, which I love having a good dinner so as not to go to bed hungry or have a little left over for a popcorn snack :)
So there you have it, just like everyday with Jesus is a daily (sometimes minute) surrender so is handing over my old eating habits!
Today is a new day, and I only have one option... and that is to succeed!!!
The weekend of the retreat I did HORRIBLE, OMW! Seriously, there were points when I thought 'why am i eating this?' and took another bite! OMW!!!
So then I'll get back on track Monday, I took a couple of my kids out to eat to Mexican... Yeah, ok, I ate so much I was FULL to the max only to stop at coldstone later and get a 'like it' WTH???
So it's Tuesday... and I am really back on track!
For breakfast I made my own breakfast sandwich...
egg +egg white (2)
morning star sausage patty (2)
spinach (0)
veggie cheese (1)
Arnold bread (1)
for snack celery and that powder peanut butter (1)
Lunch
Bean salad (which BTW is my FAVE!) (5)
afternoon snack
cherry tomatoes & string cheese (1)
I still have 16 left for dinner, which I love having a good dinner so as not to go to bed hungry or have a little left over for a popcorn snack :)
So there you have it, just like everyday with Jesus is a daily (sometimes minute) surrender so is handing over my old eating habits!
Today is a new day, and I only have one option... and that is to succeed!!!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Tracking
Last year I tracked my weight on a website, I've been logging it this year, curious, I looked at where I was compared to last year's lowest weight...
I'm lower than any weight in 2009 :)
I'm lower than any weight in 2009 :)
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Honesty
If I am going to be honest, I am so hurt. I am hurt because once again my dad has disappointed me, not just me, but this time it rolled right down to my daughter. I am amazed sometimes how I just keep going back for more.
it is no wonder I'm jacked up. I keep going back and being hurt.
And you know what I want to do? I want to eat something, I want to go to a fancy resturaunt and be treated like the princess I wish my dad would treat me like, heck, I'd settle for an hour of his time, but I guess in over two years, that might just be too much to ask for.
I have family that goes away for Phyllis's birthday and then they say "we'd really like to celebrate". Well, how about you don't go away the weekend of her birthday and chose a different one or how about you invite us? Oh, sorry, we don't care about you THAT much. And this is how I feel... "you've never been what we would have liked you to be, you're not what we'd like you to be, you suck, maybe we can fit you in, if not, sorry 'bout that".
That may not be how they feel but that's how I feel. Its often hard for me to keep all that in. It's hard not to word vomit, it's hard not to send nasty emails, it's hard. And it's hard not to find comfort in food. Ok, it's not. It's like a gushing wound, and the only thing that will, even if only temporarily, stop the bleeding is mashed potatoes.
So everyday this week (yes, I get that its only Tuesday) I have gotten on the treadmill in the morning, I have listened to sermons (teachings) on my way to work, I listen to them during the day, I am reading at night. Because in order to be healed, you need a Healer. if you go to a doctor for surgery, you go to a surgeon, well I need a healer, so I'm going to the greatest healer, Jesus, and so in order to be healed, I will fill myself up with good things, I will be nourished from His Word, His love.
This really isn't about food.
Matt 11:28-30 28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
it is no wonder I'm jacked up. I keep going back and being hurt.
And you know what I want to do? I want to eat something, I want to go to a fancy resturaunt and be treated like the princess I wish my dad would treat me like, heck, I'd settle for an hour of his time, but I guess in over two years, that might just be too much to ask for.
I have family that goes away for Phyllis's birthday and then they say "we'd really like to celebrate". Well, how about you don't go away the weekend of her birthday and chose a different one or how about you invite us? Oh, sorry, we don't care about you THAT much. And this is how I feel... "you've never been what we would have liked you to be, you're not what we'd like you to be, you suck, maybe we can fit you in, if not, sorry 'bout that".
That may not be how they feel but that's how I feel. Its often hard for me to keep all that in. It's hard not to word vomit, it's hard not to send nasty emails, it's hard. And it's hard not to find comfort in food. Ok, it's not. It's like a gushing wound, and the only thing that will, even if only temporarily, stop the bleeding is mashed potatoes.
So everyday this week (yes, I get that its only Tuesday) I have gotten on the treadmill in the morning, I have listened to sermons (teachings) on my way to work, I listen to them during the day, I am reading at night. Because in order to be healed, you need a Healer. if you go to a doctor for surgery, you go to a surgeon, well I need a healer, so I'm going to the greatest healer, Jesus, and so in order to be healed, I will fill myself up with good things, I will be nourished from His Word, His love.
This really isn't about food.
Matt 11:28-30 28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Saturday, January 2, 2010
"only" a pound a week
This is for 2009, but you get the idea... if I lose a pound a week for the next year, I will be 3 lbs away from my overall goal!!
By Valentine's Day I'd be 7 lbs. lighter!
I’m loving it!
By St. Patrick's Day I'd be 11 lbs. lighter!
With the luck o'the Irish I'll make my goal.
By Easter I'd be 13 lbs. lighter!
I'd be a cuter bunny.
By Memorial Day I'd be 23 lbs. lighter!
What a memory that would make!
By Flag Day I'd be 25 lbs. lighter!
I’d wave my flag proudly then.
By Independence Day I'd be 27 lbs. lighter!
That's quite a declaration of independence from overeating!
By Labor Day I'd be 36 lbs. lighter!
What a wonderful reward for all my hard work.
By Columbus Day I'd be 41 lbs. lighter!
What a joy to discover what I can do.
By Halloween I'd be 44 lbs. lighter!
I would know I had more than a ghost of a chance.
By Thanksgiving I'd be 47 lbs. lighter!
I'd have so much to be thankful for.
By Christmas Eve I'd be 51 lbs. lighter!
Talk about being merry.
By New Year's Eve I'd be 52 lbs. lighter!
It's not just a new year, It's a new ME!
By Valentine's Day I'd be 7 lbs. lighter!
I’m loving it!
By St. Patrick's Day I'd be 11 lbs. lighter!
With the luck o'the Irish I'll make my goal.
By Easter I'd be 13 lbs. lighter!
I'd be a cuter bunny.
By Memorial Day I'd be 23 lbs. lighter!
What a memory that would make!
By Flag Day I'd be 25 lbs. lighter!
I’d wave my flag proudly then.
By Independence Day I'd be 27 lbs. lighter!
That's quite a declaration of independence from overeating!
By Labor Day I'd be 36 lbs. lighter!
What a wonderful reward for all my hard work.
By Columbus Day I'd be 41 lbs. lighter!
What a joy to discover what I can do.
By Halloween I'd be 44 lbs. lighter!
I would know I had more than a ghost of a chance.
By Thanksgiving I'd be 47 lbs. lighter!
I'd have so much to be thankful for.
By Christmas Eve I'd be 51 lbs. lighter!
Talk about being merry.
By New Year's Eve I'd be 52 lbs. lighter!
It's not just a new year, It's a new ME!
WOW! Still not defined!
I went to weigh in today and I was down 3.8, total of 17 lost! WOW!! HAPPY JON WHALEY DANCE FOR ME!!
But I'm still not defined by a number! it's all for Jesus! I have motivation posted in my kitchen with scripture!
it's about taking care of myself in so many ways to take care of others, to bring Glory to Him!!!! Its about saying "I'm different, I'm happy inside and I don't need food for comfort, because I find comfort in Him"
but I am happy!! 17 pounds, if I lose 1 pound a week for the next year, I will be SO close to my goal. And it's totally attainable. It's about good choices. It's about loving myself! It's about being the creation that God created, it's about so much more than food!!
Happy New Year, may you find the Love deep down inside of you to inspire you to be all that God created you to be.
But I'm still not defined by a number! it's all for Jesus! I have motivation posted in my kitchen with scripture!
it's about taking care of myself in so many ways to take care of others, to bring Glory to Him!!!! Its about saying "I'm different, I'm happy inside and I don't need food for comfort, because I find comfort in Him"
but I am happy!! 17 pounds, if I lose 1 pound a week for the next year, I will be SO close to my goal. And it's totally attainable. It's about good choices. It's about loving myself! It's about being the creation that God created, it's about so much more than food!!
Happy New Year, may you find the Love deep down inside of you to inspire you to be all that God created you to be.
Friday, January 1, 2010
I will not be defined by a number
That's easy to say after this week or so of eating like crap, but over all I've done "Ok". I'm down more than I was 3 months ago, so I'll call it a success!
This coming year, I will be a success no matter what the number on the scale says. I will not let myself be defined by a number.
I will be defined by love.
And as I open my eyes to the love and beauty God has for me, I will defined by the love He has for me.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”- 2 Corinthians 5:17
This coming year, I will be a success no matter what the number on the scale says. I will not let myself be defined by a number.
I will be defined by love.
And as I open my eyes to the love and beauty God has for me, I will defined by the love He has for me.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”- 2 Corinthians 5:17
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