Honesty

If I am going to be honest, I am so hurt. I am hurt because once again my dad has disappointed me, not just me, but this time it rolled right down to my daughter. I am amazed sometimes how I just keep going back for more.

it is no wonder I'm jacked up. I keep going back and being hurt.

And you know what I want to do? I want to eat something, I want to go to a fancy resturaunt and be treated like the princess I wish my dad would treat me like, heck, I'd settle for an hour of his time, but I guess in over two years, that might just be too much to ask for.

I have family that goes away for Phyllis's birthday and then they say "we'd really like to celebrate". Well, how about you don't go away the weekend of her birthday and chose a different one or how about you invite us? Oh, sorry, we don't care about you THAT much. And this is how I feel... "you've never been what we would have liked you to be, you're not what we'd like you to be, you suck, maybe we can fit you in, if not, sorry 'bout that".

That may not be how they feel but that's how I feel. Its often hard for me to keep all that in. It's hard not to word vomit, it's hard not to send nasty emails, it's hard. And it's hard not to find comfort in food. Ok, it's not. It's like a gushing wound, and the only thing that will, even if only temporarily, stop the bleeding is mashed potatoes.

So everyday this week (yes, I get that its only Tuesday) I have gotten on the treadmill in the morning, I have listened to sermons (teachings) on my way to work, I listen to them during the day, I am reading at night. Because in order to be healed, you need a Healer. if you go to a doctor for surgery, you go to a surgeon, well I need a healer, so I'm going to the greatest healer, Jesus, and so in order to be healed, I will fill myself up with good things, I will be nourished from His Word, His love.

This really isn't about food.

Matt 11:28-30 28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."