That getting up super early makes the kind of difference in your life that you'll never believe.
If you think I don't understand 'I already get up early enough' you're dead wrong. It is NOT easy for me to get up at 4:30, it means that I must commit to getting to be NO later than 10, but my goal is 9:30.
It makes this amazing difference in my life, it gives me more energy, it gives me a better outlook, and it means that I do not stress over when (or how) I will get my workout in. Yes, it is only 1/2 per day, but I can tell you, most people I know don't even workout a 1/2 hour a week, and I USED to be one of those people.
It really does help me to focus more on what God sees in me, because my mind is clear.
It is difficult but you are worth it! (and so am I!)
Weight Loss!!
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
Sorry its been so long!
I woke up this morning, at 4:30AM to get to the gym at 5:00 and be home by 5:40 so I could start my day beginning with my workout, which really only included 30 minutes on the elipitical. It really doesn’t seem like much, 30 minutes, but I like it, its manageable in my schedule. Sure, if I had less responsibilities, like I didn’t work or have a beautiful daughter, I could workout more, but really, spending 1-2 hours in the gym 3-5 times a week doesn’t just seem possible for me. 30 minutes seems manageable and something I can do long term. Oh, and did I mention that, at my current size, I don’t like the gym. I’ll admit it, I’m intimidated. I’m intimidated by those who are thinner and more muscular than me, male or female. I have weird things that I call my goals – I want to lose 10 more pounds (by Christmas) before I get some help with strength training at the gym, those machines are crazy, I loved them before but I think I may have forgotten what works what.
Let me also tell you this. Something I am struggling with. Back in the day I was thin, I looked so good, and you never caught me, other than working out, wearing sweatpants, or with roots, I never went more than 6 weeks before my hair was done, it was more like 4 weeks. I really took really good care of myself, I don’t know I believed I was worth it, but I know that I took care of myself, you didn’t find me at the store without a shower and if I didn’t do my hair, it was in a clip pulled tightly back, perfect. It really drives me crazy that people don’t take care of themselves, because I know my heart when I wasn’t taking care of myself, it was more like ‘it doesn’t matter anyway’. It does matter, and they matter!
I am slowly starting to be awakened with love for me. I know it sounds selfish, but I am slowly starting to believe again that I do deserve love, well, maybe I don’t actually deserve it, but I need it. I need love from others and I need to love myself. For nothing more than so I can better love others. The bible says that we are supposed to love our neighbors as ourselves, but what does that look like if we don’t love ourselves? Hmmm….
You see this journey, though it can be found more on my other website http://www.christdrivenmom.blogspot.com/ isn’t about food. It isn’t about food at all. It’s about my heart, its about the condition of my heart. Sure, I love ice cream, and cheese, and chips, and a whole lot of other things, but sometimes I just would seek that stuff for comfort, and that wasn’t good, because hunger wasn’t the problem, so eating wasn’t the solution, and really eating caused me more problems…
For the record, it was hard to get out of bed. I almost just said ‘I’ll go later’ but I got up, and it was difficult, but I do feel better, I have a lot of energy today, as well as a small sense of accomplishment.
Luke 10:27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’ ; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”
Let me also tell you this. Something I am struggling with. Back in the day I was thin, I looked so good, and you never caught me, other than working out, wearing sweatpants, or with roots, I never went more than 6 weeks before my hair was done, it was more like 4 weeks. I really took really good care of myself, I don’t know I believed I was worth it, but I know that I took care of myself, you didn’t find me at the store without a shower and if I didn’t do my hair, it was in a clip pulled tightly back, perfect. It really drives me crazy that people don’t take care of themselves, because I know my heart when I wasn’t taking care of myself, it was more like ‘it doesn’t matter anyway’. It does matter, and they matter!
I am slowly starting to be awakened with love for me. I know it sounds selfish, but I am slowly starting to believe again that I do deserve love, well, maybe I don’t actually deserve it, but I need it. I need love from others and I need to love myself. For nothing more than so I can better love others. The bible says that we are supposed to love our neighbors as ourselves, but what does that look like if we don’t love ourselves? Hmmm….
You see this journey, though it can be found more on my other website http://www.christdrivenmom.blogspot.com/ isn’t about food. It isn’t about food at all. It’s about my heart, its about the condition of my heart. Sure, I love ice cream, and cheese, and chips, and a whole lot of other things, but sometimes I just would seek that stuff for comfort, and that wasn’t good, because hunger wasn’t the problem, so eating wasn’t the solution, and really eating caused me more problems…
For the record, it was hard to get out of bed. I almost just said ‘I’ll go later’ but I got up, and it was difficult, but I do feel better, I have a lot of energy today, as well as a small sense of accomplishment.
Luke 10:27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’ ; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
My Goals
The areas I would like to improve the most about my body and fitness levels are:
Body: My belly and my yucky butt and when I wave at someone, if someone else is too close they might get knocked out by my flabby arms
Fitness levels: I’d like to RUN up the stairs, I’d like to run 7 miles on the treadmill for 30 minutes straight. I’d like to run the Detroit ½ marathon. I’d like to do the Detroit Marathon Relay
Identify the biggest problems or barriers in your path that may prevent you from reaching your fitness goals.
That I don’t think I’m worth taking the time for.
That someone (outside of my immediate family) is always asking me to do something and because I am a people pleaser (afraid people will always leave) I say yes, even to the point of my own exhaustion.
I am BUSY!!! Work, home, Alive, Church, volunteering at soup kitchens. Taking time for everyone but myself.
In what ways are you responsible for these situations?
I am responsible for all these situations. I can believe that I am worth it, that God loves me and I need to love myself, that means taking time for me.
I am allowed to say no, I just have to give myself permission. People will come in and out of our lives in and out of our control, it has nothing to do with whether or not we can do something for them.
I may be busy, but that means I may have to say no to something, let someone else have the blessing and accomplishment of serving others. If I always say yes, that means others don’t get to. I’m stealing blessings from them without them even knowing. If I don’t say no, others cannot say yes.
Imagine that you have the ability to reach any fitness goals you could ever set yourself. What do you look like?
I’m thin, I have clear skin (because no garbage in). I will look good in my clothes, I will have natural curves not rolls. Rolls are for the dinner table, and only whole grain!
What size clothes do you wear? How do you feel about yourself? How much do you weigh?
Size 6/8 jeans, Medium shirts
I will love myself because God will work on my heart and how I view myself. I will no longer be validated by others but validated by God. I will weigh 140-150
What are your most common excuses for not eating right or exercising?
That I’m tired, that I don’t have time.
What are some things that you can do to offset your justifications or reasons?
I will not accept excuses from myself. I will find people who will truly keep me accountable.
The things I will need to sacrifice that will help me achieve these goals are:
I need to come to the realization that I am not everybody’s everything. That I am successful. That I have great value. I will need to plan, so that means I need to grocery shop accordingly. My family can exercise with me, we can run, swim, etc.
The areas I would like to improve the most about my body and fitness levels are:
Body: My belly and my yucky butt and when I wave at someone, if someone else is too close they might get knocked out by my flabby arms
Fitness levels: I’d like to RUN up the stairs, I’d like to run 7 miles on the treadmill for 30 minutes straight. I’d like to run the Detroit ½ marathon. I’d like to do the Detroit Marathon Relay
Identify the biggest problems or barriers in your path that may prevent you from reaching your fitness goals.
That I don’t think I’m worth taking the time for.
That someone (outside of my immediate family) is always asking me to do something and because I am a people pleaser (afraid people will always leave) I say yes, even to the point of my own exhaustion.
I am BUSY!!! Work, home, Alive, Church, volunteering at soup kitchens. Taking time for everyone but myself.
In what ways are you responsible for these situations?
I am responsible for all these situations. I can believe that I am worth it, that God loves me and I need to love myself, that means taking time for me.
I am allowed to say no, I just have to give myself permission. People will come in and out of our lives in and out of our control, it has nothing to do with whether or not we can do something for them.
I may be busy, but that means I may have to say no to something, let someone else have the blessing and accomplishment of serving others. If I always say yes, that means others don’t get to. I’m stealing blessings from them without them even knowing. If I don’t say no, others cannot say yes.
Imagine that you have the ability to reach any fitness goals you could ever set yourself. What do you look like?
I’m thin, I have clear skin (because no garbage in). I will look good in my clothes, I will have natural curves not rolls. Rolls are for the dinner table, and only whole grain!
What size clothes do you wear? How do you feel about yourself? How much do you weigh?
Size 6/8 jeans, Medium shirts
I will love myself because God will work on my heart and how I view myself. I will no longer be validated by others but validated by God. I will weigh 140-150
What are your most common excuses for not eating right or exercising?
That I’m tired, that I don’t have time.
What are some things that you can do to offset your justifications or reasons?
I will not accept excuses from myself. I will find people who will truly keep me accountable.
The things I will need to sacrifice that will help me achieve these goals are:
I need to come to the realization that I am not everybody’s everything. That I am successful. That I have great value. I will need to plan, so that means I need to grocery shop accordingly. My family can exercise with me, we can run, swim, etc.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Don't judge each day by the harvest that you reap,but by the seeds that you plant
I plant no seeds in my own life. I can't think of a day when I've thought "you're great, beautiful, or funny" I've always filled my head with doubts. I've thought of every way that I'm not good enough, in so many ways.
This is what I think of:
Be a nurse (constant disappointment)
Don't use power tools (you'll wreck it)
You'll always be fat (no matter how you try, you'll always be a failure)
I think its time to start planting a flower garden in my own life. To remove self doubt, to remove the things that hurt me, and to begin to grow my own garden.
Song of Solomon 4:7 All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
slowly but surely
I don't know how I managed to get out of Cedar Point without eating cheese fries, although I did have Qdoba so that probably saved me!
I did have about 3 bites of dippin' dots only to give them away. I really wanted them, waited til the end of the day and then thought "these aren't even that good" and along comes Adam to my rescue and eats them!
I'm down around 4 pounds, pretty good for about 7 or 8 days not sure because i don't have a calendar in front of me, and I was able to pass on Coldstone two days in a row when I could hear it calling my name. Funny because I don't even feel like ice cream is my biggest deal to get over, but lately it has been.
There's spinach, chicken, & veggies for lunch all week!
Gotta stay focused!!
I did have about 3 bites of dippin' dots only to give them away. I really wanted them, waited til the end of the day and then thought "these aren't even that good" and along comes Adam to my rescue and eats them!
I'm down around 4 pounds, pretty good for about 7 or 8 days not sure because i don't have a calendar in front of me, and I was able to pass on Coldstone two days in a row when I could hear it calling my name. Funny because I don't even feel like ice cream is my biggest deal to get over, but lately it has been.
There's spinach, chicken, & veggies for lunch all week!
Gotta stay focused!!
Monday, May 24, 2010
staying focused
its gonna be a busy week, there is only one way to succeed, stay focused!
Focused on planning on what to eat
Focused on making good choices
and most importantly...
Focused on Jesus!
Focused on planning on what to eat
Focused on making good choices
and most importantly...
Focused on Jesus!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Another New Beginning
So I stepped on the scale today, because my pants are getting tight. And because I want to know where I am starting. Its no surprise if you took a look at me that I’m not happy. I hate the way I look. If I was the correct size, I’d be happy, but I’m the one who made these choices, and continued to make these choices that lead me where I am today, and it’s only my choices that will lead me back to health. It’s about depending on God instead of food. Yes, I know I’ve said this a million, maybe two million times.
And I know what to do. I just need to do it. I need to plan, I need to shop correctly, I need to get out of the mentality that it’s cheap so I’ll buy it. Nope. That’s not a good mentality.
So today, I started. If it doesn’t have a momma or come from the ground, it shouldn’t go in my mouth!
Scrambled eggs (2)
Turkey sausage (2)
Spinach salad
Cucumbers
Tomatoes
Turkey breast
Celery/PB
Not sure what’s for dinner yet, but I’ll figure it out, probably chicken breasts and salad or some yummy veggies. Going to try to just walk today, no running, no gym, just some fresh air and moving my feet!
Dear Lord, be there with me. I know in You I cannot fail. I want my outward self to reflect the amazing changes You’ve made in my life!!
Another New Beginning - Lyla Akouri
Dear God,
YOu know how lost I've been
You also know my fears.
As I stand here - at the beginning of this new year,
I ask that You take my hand.
Pull me out of the question mark I have been living in.
Lead me through the days and months ahead.
Give me the strength to let go of me, and hold on to you.
Only You, oh God.
Teach me again the ways of Your love.
Show me once more your spirit within me.
Reveal to me anew what a blessing it is to be alive,
to love and be loved; and the beauty in each new day.
I promise I will do my best to find joy in all things;
to be a light of love to others;
and a light of love to self.
From this day forward, a new "me" emerges.
From this day on, a new song written.
May it be pleasing to you, oh Lord.
May it be beautiful, to all those who hear it.
AMEN!
And I know what to do. I just need to do it. I need to plan, I need to shop correctly, I need to get out of the mentality that it’s cheap so I’ll buy it. Nope. That’s not a good mentality.
So today, I started. If it doesn’t have a momma or come from the ground, it shouldn’t go in my mouth!
Scrambled eggs (2)
Turkey sausage (2)
Spinach salad
Cucumbers
Tomatoes
Turkey breast
Celery/PB
Not sure what’s for dinner yet, but I’ll figure it out, probably chicken breasts and salad or some yummy veggies. Going to try to just walk today, no running, no gym, just some fresh air and moving my feet!
Dear Lord, be there with me. I know in You I cannot fail. I want my outward self to reflect the amazing changes You’ve made in my life!!
Another New Beginning - Lyla Akouri
Dear God,
YOu know how lost I've been
You also know my fears.
As I stand here - at the beginning of this new year,
I ask that You take my hand.
Pull me out of the question mark I have been living in.
Lead me through the days and months ahead.
Give me the strength to let go of me, and hold on to you.
Only You, oh God.
Teach me again the ways of Your love.
Show me once more your spirit within me.
Reveal to me anew what a blessing it is to be alive,
to love and be loved; and the beauty in each new day.
I promise I will do my best to find joy in all things;
to be a light of love to others;
and a light of love to self.
From this day forward, a new "me" emerges.
From this day on, a new song written.
May it be pleasing to you, oh Lord.
May it be beautiful, to all those who hear it.
AMEN!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Back to it, better choices
Loving Panera’s new menu board. I love that they show all the calories to each menu item. Its so awesome! Went there for lunch today. Talked myself into the .99 bakery item. Thankfully I got the little ticket that you can chose what you want when you’re done eating. As I was standing in the a really long line, I decided that I would just give someone in line my ticket. I didn’t need anything. They didn’t have my favorite which is the cranberry orange muffin so part of me was like ‘if I can’t have my favorite, I shouldn’t have anything” so I didn’t. I was thinking about getting the Oatmeal Raisin Cookie. 370 Calories, 14 g fat! It would have been 8 points! Not worth it! SO NOT WORTH IT!!!!
Tomorrow we are going to the Tiger Game. I have to make good choices, it will be hard to be there and not eat crap, but I’ve got to plan! Bring an apple, some veggies to snack on. I didn’t eat that good this weekend, and I also didn’t poop that good either.
Anyway, glad I got some good stuff at home. I think I’m gonna bbq some chicken or something tonight, and I’ve got some good veggies and I’ll make some homemade dressing! YUM!
I’d like a good weightloss this week. Maybe I’ll even try to get on the treadmill a couple days this week!
Being accountable on the scale, helps keep me motivated.
Tomorrow we are going to the Tiger Game. I have to make good choices, it will be hard to be there and not eat crap, but I’ve got to plan! Bring an apple, some veggies to snack on. I didn’t eat that good this weekend, and I also didn’t poop that good either.
Anyway, glad I got some good stuff at home. I think I’m gonna bbq some chicken or something tonight, and I’ve got some good veggies and I’ll make some homemade dressing! YUM!
I’d like a good weightloss this week. Maybe I’ll even try to get on the treadmill a couple days this week!
Being accountable on the scale, helps keep me motivated.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
you gotta start somewhere
So I gained like 8 pounds since 'falling off', still down 9.6 and I'll call that a victory! And I'm calling it a victory that I am 'back to it'. Its really been hard since my kitchen is a mess, but I can take snacks with me whereever I go... celery and apples seem to be my favorite snacks these days!
Another thing that is difficult is that to eat well is not cheap. Friday I need to make dinner for everyone in the Good Friday production, well, I don't have to, I want to, the problem is that I have to make something different for them than I make for me. I think I'm making them mostacolli, I'll probably have salad with chicken.
So... I'm working on it, working on my heart, and my body.
Another thing that is difficult is that to eat well is not cheap. Friday I need to make dinner for everyone in the Good Friday production, well, I don't have to, I want to, the problem is that I have to make something different for them than I make for me. I think I'm making them mostacolli, I'll probably have salad with chicken.
So... I'm working on it, working on my heart, and my body.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Getting back on track
so I started this journey in October 2009, I've been up and down, and for about a month, probably more up than down. It's been difficult because my schedule is not really permitting me to make it to my WW meetings on Saturdays, but that's really just an excuse. I've changed my weigh in days to Fridays to be accountable because I need that.
I've also been back to "Dr. Voodoo" who is a chiropractor and he also sells nutritional supplements, I actually feel better than I have in probably a year. Eating back the way I should, naturally, as 'The Jillian' (that's what I call Jillian Michaels) says "if it doesn't have a momma or come out of the ground you shouldn't eat it"
I'm really feeling well, funny swallowing all those supplements again. My mood is better, I have more energy, sleeping better.
Dr. Gill (aka Dr. Voodoo) said the other day "eat right and the pounds will melt off of you" and so that was all the re-motivation I needed.
So hear I go... again...
I've also been back to "Dr. Voodoo" who is a chiropractor and he also sells nutritional supplements, I actually feel better than I have in probably a year. Eating back the way I should, naturally, as 'The Jillian' (that's what I call Jillian Michaels) says "if it doesn't have a momma or come out of the ground you shouldn't eat it"
I'm really feeling well, funny swallowing all those supplements again. My mood is better, I have more energy, sleeping better.
Dr. Gill (aka Dr. Voodoo) said the other day "eat right and the pounds will melt off of you" and so that was all the re-motivation I needed.
So hear I go... again...
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Spinach!
Yesterday we went to this place called 'Little Daddy's'. I LOVE the Tommy's salad, lettuce, tomatoes, celery, onions, beets, cukes, chicken, feta, dressing, dill. YUM! I asked if they could replace my lettuce with spinach, seriously, it was AWESOME!!!
look at all the benefits of spinach HERE.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Back on Track
It was a bad week, and crazy leading up to it, however, today I am back on track. I seriously think I gained 6 pounds last week!! I didn't weigh in... so I am not sure!
Today I started out with my normal breakfast sandwich
Arnold Bread (1)
Veggie Cheese (1)
Spinach
Tomato
Morningstar Sausage patty (1)
Egg + Egg White (2)
My snacks (morning & afternoon) were planned, blueberries, tomatoes, string cheese
For lunch I had a hummus, tabouli, tomato on a whole wheat pita with garlic
I was supposed to go to Ruby Tuesday’s for dinner however, I looked to see what I could eat… NOTHING! That is probably one of the worst resturaunt if you’re trying to eat well… yikes, so I asked my friend if we could go to Little Daddy’s and I LOVE Tommy’s salad so we are having that instead!
It doesn’t matter what happened in the last two weeks, there may be consequences (on the scale & in my clothes but I am moving forward… and by the way, I LOVE my breakfast sandwich!
I made some yummy stuffed shells for dinner for this week. I wish I could find whole grain jumbo shells, but I filled the shells with ground turkey, zucchini, mushrooms, fresh spinach, garlic, covered it in spaghetti sauce (not in a jar but made with tomato paste & packet spaghetti) and sprinkled with parm cheese. I can’t wait to have them!
So… back on track with my eating which will help with my budget as well (eating more at home and less out).
Today I started out with my normal breakfast sandwich
Arnold Bread (1)
Veggie Cheese (1)
Spinach
Tomato
Morningstar Sausage patty (1)
Egg + Egg White (2)
My snacks (morning & afternoon) were planned, blueberries, tomatoes, string cheese
For lunch I had a hummus, tabouli, tomato on a whole wheat pita with garlic
I was supposed to go to Ruby Tuesday’s for dinner however, I looked to see what I could eat… NOTHING! That is probably one of the worst resturaunt if you’re trying to eat well… yikes, so I asked my friend if we could go to Little Daddy’s and I LOVE Tommy’s salad so we are having that instead!
It doesn’t matter what happened in the last two weeks, there may be consequences (on the scale & in my clothes but I am moving forward… and by the way, I LOVE my breakfast sandwich!
I made some yummy stuffed shells for dinner for this week. I wish I could find whole grain jumbo shells, but I filled the shells with ground turkey, zucchini, mushrooms, fresh spinach, garlic, covered it in spaghetti sauce (not in a jar but made with tomato paste & packet spaghetti) and sprinkled with parm cheese. I can’t wait to have them!
So… back on track with my eating which will help with my budget as well (eating more at home and less out).
Friday, January 29, 2010
Small Victories
So I wanted grilled cheese, I wanted a tuna melt, I wanted...
I got... Subway. Turkey on whole wheat. Albeit I ate the foot long of turkey, but it was good and I am full. I hate being hungry.
5 points for 6", but i added cheese, 2 pts, and mayo another 1, so that means I hate 16 points for lunch, which kind of is high, but I'll behave for dinner, and I should be all good. And i said it was a small victory anyway, I looked on line, tuna melts are anywhere from 19-25 points, and I would have gotten chips or fries... so I think I did ok, I ate things that were good for me, loaded up on the veggies.
Tomorrow is weigh in, I relaly am not sure how i will do, but this I know... I made good choices all week.
Its a journey not a race.
I got... Subway. Turkey on whole wheat. Albeit I ate the foot long of turkey, but it was good and I am full. I hate being hungry.
5 points for 6", but i added cheese, 2 pts, and mayo another 1, so that means I hate 16 points for lunch, which kind of is high, but I'll behave for dinner, and I should be all good. And i said it was a small victory anyway, I looked on line, tuna melts are anywhere from 19-25 points, and I would have gotten chips or fries... so I think I did ok, I ate things that were good for me, loaded up on the veggies.
Tomorrow is weigh in, I relaly am not sure how i will do, but this I know... I made good choices all week.
Its a journey not a race.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
not leaning on my addiction
Today has been a rough day, and it certainly didn’t help that my mp3 player is at home on my desk and not in my ears… but oh well, that’s the way it goes sometimes.
It was lunch time, off to Panera. Panera is fresh, but not always healthy. If I had my complete choice, I would eat creamy tomato soup with Asiago Roast beef sandwich. Imagine my surprise the day when I found out Creamy Tomato Soup is 9 points, and the ARB sandwich is 8 points (for ½). Holy Cats! But you see, I am learning not to find comfort in food… Hello, I’ve got a butt to prove that does NOT work, besides my disposition is still the same after eating all that comfort food! So instead I chose the Garden Veggie with Pesto, VERY good, 3 points, a much better choice with a Fuji Apple Salad (6). I did eat the chips because they are both 3 points and I’d rather have chippies. OH, and did I mention, I’d love to wash it all down with an 11 point cranberry muffin, but I passed on the cranberry muffin.
So all in all, lunch was 12 points instead of 20 (or 31 if you count the muffin! HA!)
It’s a daily struggle, and the moment that I use food as an addiction is a day that I feel I lean more on satan and less on God. I feel that if I lean towards the addiction, I am binding myself up. I am saying that I am not a victor, especially if it something that I willingly do. It’s one thing to eat something thinking I’m doing well (like the tomato soup counting at 5 points when it’s really 9) but when I say “I want the soup, because I feel I deserve it after the day I’ve had (meaning I am justifying my sin) then I’m saying God, you’re not big enough to get me threw this, I need to deal with the root cause of my issues, not just try to cover them up with a bandaid (or a muffin).
I’m getting there. First step is identifying there is an issue, and then finding out where the issue comes from…
It was lunch time, off to Panera. Panera is fresh, but not always healthy. If I had my complete choice, I would eat creamy tomato soup with Asiago Roast beef sandwich. Imagine my surprise the day when I found out Creamy Tomato Soup is 9 points, and the ARB sandwich is 8 points (for ½). Holy Cats! But you see, I am learning not to find comfort in food… Hello, I’ve got a butt to prove that does NOT work, besides my disposition is still the same after eating all that comfort food! So instead I chose the Garden Veggie with Pesto, VERY good, 3 points, a much better choice with a Fuji Apple Salad (6). I did eat the chips because they are both 3 points and I’d rather have chippies. OH, and did I mention, I’d love to wash it all down with an 11 point cranberry muffin, but I passed on the cranberry muffin.
So all in all, lunch was 12 points instead of 20 (or 31 if you count the muffin! HA!)
It’s a daily struggle, and the moment that I use food as an addiction is a day that I feel I lean more on satan and less on God. I feel that if I lean towards the addiction, I am binding myself up. I am saying that I am not a victor, especially if it something that I willingly do. It’s one thing to eat something thinking I’m doing well (like the tomato soup counting at 5 points when it’s really 9) but when I say “I want the soup, because I feel I deserve it after the day I’ve had (meaning I am justifying my sin) then I’m saying God, you’re not big enough to get me threw this, I need to deal with the root cause of my issues, not just try to cover them up with a bandaid (or a muffin).
I’m getting there. First step is identifying there is an issue, and then finding out where the issue comes from…
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Getting back on track
I don't know what happened to me in 2010 but I did ok that first week, it was our birthday weeks, the week of 4-9 I was up a little but not worried because overall I was down for the holidays... then the week of the retreat happened, I was stressed and tired and honestly just tried to do ok, i didn't weigh in because we were gone.
The weekend of the retreat I did HORRIBLE, OMW! Seriously, there were points when I thought 'why am i eating this?' and took another bite! OMW!!!
So then I'll get back on track Monday, I took a couple of my kids out to eat to Mexican... Yeah, ok, I ate so much I was FULL to the max only to stop at coldstone later and get a 'like it' WTH???
So it's Tuesday... and I am really back on track!
For breakfast I made my own breakfast sandwich...
egg +egg white (2)
morning star sausage patty (2)
spinach (0)
veggie cheese (1)
Arnold bread (1)
for snack celery and that powder peanut butter (1)
Lunch
Bean salad (which BTW is my FAVE!) (5)
afternoon snack
cherry tomatoes & string cheese (1)
I still have 16 left for dinner, which I love having a good dinner so as not to go to bed hungry or have a little left over for a popcorn snack :)
So there you have it, just like everyday with Jesus is a daily (sometimes minute) surrender so is handing over my old eating habits!
Today is a new day, and I only have one option... and that is to succeed!!!
The weekend of the retreat I did HORRIBLE, OMW! Seriously, there were points when I thought 'why am i eating this?' and took another bite! OMW!!!
So then I'll get back on track Monday, I took a couple of my kids out to eat to Mexican... Yeah, ok, I ate so much I was FULL to the max only to stop at coldstone later and get a 'like it' WTH???
So it's Tuesday... and I am really back on track!
For breakfast I made my own breakfast sandwich...
egg +egg white (2)
morning star sausage patty (2)
spinach (0)
veggie cheese (1)
Arnold bread (1)
for snack celery and that powder peanut butter (1)
Lunch
Bean salad (which BTW is my FAVE!) (5)
afternoon snack
cherry tomatoes & string cheese (1)
I still have 16 left for dinner, which I love having a good dinner so as not to go to bed hungry or have a little left over for a popcorn snack :)
So there you have it, just like everyday with Jesus is a daily (sometimes minute) surrender so is handing over my old eating habits!
Today is a new day, and I only have one option... and that is to succeed!!!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Tracking
Last year I tracked my weight on a website, I've been logging it this year, curious, I looked at where I was compared to last year's lowest weight...
I'm lower than any weight in 2009 :)
I'm lower than any weight in 2009 :)
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Honesty
If I am going to be honest, I am so hurt. I am hurt because once again my dad has disappointed me, not just me, but this time it rolled right down to my daughter. I am amazed sometimes how I just keep going back for more.
it is no wonder I'm jacked up. I keep going back and being hurt.
And you know what I want to do? I want to eat something, I want to go to a fancy resturaunt and be treated like the princess I wish my dad would treat me like, heck, I'd settle for an hour of his time, but I guess in over two years, that might just be too much to ask for.
I have family that goes away for Phyllis's birthday and then they say "we'd really like to celebrate". Well, how about you don't go away the weekend of her birthday and chose a different one or how about you invite us? Oh, sorry, we don't care about you THAT much. And this is how I feel... "you've never been what we would have liked you to be, you're not what we'd like you to be, you suck, maybe we can fit you in, if not, sorry 'bout that".
That may not be how they feel but that's how I feel. Its often hard for me to keep all that in. It's hard not to word vomit, it's hard not to send nasty emails, it's hard. And it's hard not to find comfort in food. Ok, it's not. It's like a gushing wound, and the only thing that will, even if only temporarily, stop the bleeding is mashed potatoes.
So everyday this week (yes, I get that its only Tuesday) I have gotten on the treadmill in the morning, I have listened to sermons (teachings) on my way to work, I listen to them during the day, I am reading at night. Because in order to be healed, you need a Healer. if you go to a doctor for surgery, you go to a surgeon, well I need a healer, so I'm going to the greatest healer, Jesus, and so in order to be healed, I will fill myself up with good things, I will be nourished from His Word, His love.
This really isn't about food.
Matt 11:28-30 28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
it is no wonder I'm jacked up. I keep going back and being hurt.
And you know what I want to do? I want to eat something, I want to go to a fancy resturaunt and be treated like the princess I wish my dad would treat me like, heck, I'd settle for an hour of his time, but I guess in over two years, that might just be too much to ask for.
I have family that goes away for Phyllis's birthday and then they say "we'd really like to celebrate". Well, how about you don't go away the weekend of her birthday and chose a different one or how about you invite us? Oh, sorry, we don't care about you THAT much. And this is how I feel... "you've never been what we would have liked you to be, you're not what we'd like you to be, you suck, maybe we can fit you in, if not, sorry 'bout that".
That may not be how they feel but that's how I feel. Its often hard for me to keep all that in. It's hard not to word vomit, it's hard not to send nasty emails, it's hard. And it's hard not to find comfort in food. Ok, it's not. It's like a gushing wound, and the only thing that will, even if only temporarily, stop the bleeding is mashed potatoes.
So everyday this week (yes, I get that its only Tuesday) I have gotten on the treadmill in the morning, I have listened to sermons (teachings) on my way to work, I listen to them during the day, I am reading at night. Because in order to be healed, you need a Healer. if you go to a doctor for surgery, you go to a surgeon, well I need a healer, so I'm going to the greatest healer, Jesus, and so in order to be healed, I will fill myself up with good things, I will be nourished from His Word, His love.
This really isn't about food.
Matt 11:28-30 28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Saturday, January 2, 2010
"only" a pound a week
This is for 2009, but you get the idea... if I lose a pound a week for the next year, I will be 3 lbs away from my overall goal!!
By Valentine's Day I'd be 7 lbs. lighter!
I’m loving it!
By St. Patrick's Day I'd be 11 lbs. lighter!
With the luck o'the Irish I'll make my goal.
By Easter I'd be 13 lbs. lighter!
I'd be a cuter bunny.
By Memorial Day I'd be 23 lbs. lighter!
What a memory that would make!
By Flag Day I'd be 25 lbs. lighter!
I’d wave my flag proudly then.
By Independence Day I'd be 27 lbs. lighter!
That's quite a declaration of independence from overeating!
By Labor Day I'd be 36 lbs. lighter!
What a wonderful reward for all my hard work.
By Columbus Day I'd be 41 lbs. lighter!
What a joy to discover what I can do.
By Halloween I'd be 44 lbs. lighter!
I would know I had more than a ghost of a chance.
By Thanksgiving I'd be 47 lbs. lighter!
I'd have so much to be thankful for.
By Christmas Eve I'd be 51 lbs. lighter!
Talk about being merry.
By New Year's Eve I'd be 52 lbs. lighter!
It's not just a new year, It's a new ME!
By Valentine's Day I'd be 7 lbs. lighter!
I’m loving it!
By St. Patrick's Day I'd be 11 lbs. lighter!
With the luck o'the Irish I'll make my goal.
By Easter I'd be 13 lbs. lighter!
I'd be a cuter bunny.
By Memorial Day I'd be 23 lbs. lighter!
What a memory that would make!
By Flag Day I'd be 25 lbs. lighter!
I’d wave my flag proudly then.
By Independence Day I'd be 27 lbs. lighter!
That's quite a declaration of independence from overeating!
By Labor Day I'd be 36 lbs. lighter!
What a wonderful reward for all my hard work.
By Columbus Day I'd be 41 lbs. lighter!
What a joy to discover what I can do.
By Halloween I'd be 44 lbs. lighter!
I would know I had more than a ghost of a chance.
By Thanksgiving I'd be 47 lbs. lighter!
I'd have so much to be thankful for.
By Christmas Eve I'd be 51 lbs. lighter!
Talk about being merry.
By New Year's Eve I'd be 52 lbs. lighter!
It's not just a new year, It's a new ME!
WOW! Still not defined!
I went to weigh in today and I was down 3.8, total of 17 lost! WOW!! HAPPY JON WHALEY DANCE FOR ME!!
But I'm still not defined by a number! it's all for Jesus! I have motivation posted in my kitchen with scripture!
it's about taking care of myself in so many ways to take care of others, to bring Glory to Him!!!! Its about saying "I'm different, I'm happy inside and I don't need food for comfort, because I find comfort in Him"
but I am happy!! 17 pounds, if I lose 1 pound a week for the next year, I will be SO close to my goal. And it's totally attainable. It's about good choices. It's about loving myself! It's about being the creation that God created, it's about so much more than food!!
Happy New Year, may you find the Love deep down inside of you to inspire you to be all that God created you to be.
But I'm still not defined by a number! it's all for Jesus! I have motivation posted in my kitchen with scripture!
it's about taking care of myself in so many ways to take care of others, to bring Glory to Him!!!! Its about saying "I'm different, I'm happy inside and I don't need food for comfort, because I find comfort in Him"
but I am happy!! 17 pounds, if I lose 1 pound a week for the next year, I will be SO close to my goal. And it's totally attainable. It's about good choices. It's about loving myself! It's about being the creation that God created, it's about so much more than food!!
Happy New Year, may you find the Love deep down inside of you to inspire you to be all that God created you to be.
Friday, January 1, 2010
I will not be defined by a number
That's easy to say after this week or so of eating like crap, but over all I've done "Ok". I'm down more than I was 3 months ago, so I'll call it a success!
This coming year, I will be a success no matter what the number on the scale says. I will not let myself be defined by a number.
I will be defined by love.
And as I open my eyes to the love and beauty God has for me, I will defined by the love He has for me.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”- 2 Corinthians 5:17
This coming year, I will be a success no matter what the number on the scale says. I will not let myself be defined by a number.
I will be defined by love.
And as I open my eyes to the love and beauty God has for me, I will defined by the love He has for me.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”- 2 Corinthians 5:17
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