It's not about food

One heart, one blog

2012-01-31T03:42:00.000-08:00

decided that I am only going to keep up one blog. God is stirring my heart towards something, not really sure what it is.

www.christdrivenmom.blogspot.com

I will only keep up one blog. I've imported my posts from the other blogs, and have provided a label on the side for easier finding!

I hope this isn't too inconvenient for you. However, if it makes THAT big of a difference in your life, you may want to seek God regarding your priorities. LOL

Lovetoyou!!

YAY! for good food choices!

2012-01-19T03:36:00.000-08:00

2.2 lbs this week!

Since Dec 29 I've lost 4.6, I feel like it's going slow, but at least in the right direction :) Weightloss is one of the few things in life that is a positive when it's a negative :)

Yesterday my world was a little crazy. The car place called, totaling our Corolla, my computer was running super slow so the thing that should have take me 1/2 hour, I spent close to 2 hours on and its still not done, tons of choices, everyday stress. And just the thought in general that I am going to disappoint someone... ugh:/

I needed a minute. A minute of peace. So after work, I went to Roma's. Soup and Salad. That's it, not gnocchi, no pasta, no dessert. It was so good. It's hard when you stress eat to make good choices, to change your 'I want' to 'I need'. I want carbs and sauce to I need veggies and protein, but like all good choices in life, I am not sorry I made that one.

So there you have it this week's results. Also think I am going to start drinking apple cider vinegar! click the link and read! Good stuff!

On the right track

2012-01-16T05:37:00.000-08:00

People give me a weird look when I tell them 'no bread/no dairy'. So much so that it makes me doubt that I am making the right decision. It's not easy, I LOVE dairy! LOVE IT!! Thank God I love lebanese salad with chicken (Fattousch without chips)! Because it seems that it is a once a day staple in my life! Need to learn to make the dressing myself!!

Yesterday we had Phyllis's party! The menu: Lasagna and bread, salad, veggies and dip, hummus, and we had fruit!

I will tell you that after I ate the Lasagna, my stomach HURT! and I gained a pound!

And so, I know I am on the right track for MY BODY! I don't know about your body, but I know mine. And it is telling me, no bread (wheat), no dairy.

So this morning's breakfast?
Eggs with broccoli & green pepper & a side of tomatoes! and iced tea of course!

Small Choices

2012-01-12T18:30:00.000-08:00

So I am reading today Gen 19 I get to verse 20

"Look, here is a town near enough to run to, and it is small. Let me flee to it—it is very small, isn't it? Then my life will be spared."

That town was small, and Lot wanted to flee to it to have his life spared.

Do you ever think of your sin as small? Like someone else is doing something much worse? Last time I checked there isn't a rating system. And a lot of times it isn't big things that get us. it's eating a few little extra pieces of chocolate or deciding not to exercise, it's only one day right?

WRONG!

little things do add up. Just like losing 1 pound leads to 2, 2 to 4, 4 to... you get the picture. It can go in the opposite direction.

Today I went to the Auto Show, Supplier preview days. I could have easily hit up one of my favorite places, oh, it's just one time. Except that while I was changing my clothes, I was HATING everything I put on. Making poor choices, no matter how small they are takes us from where we want to be, or who we want to be like (insert Jesus here).

Tomorrow some of my friends and I are gathering for dinner and bible study, and it was supposed to be cake because it was my birthday. You wouldn't think it would be a big deal, but I didn't want cake. I wanted fruit, because cake just isn't a good choice. And I think most of us in our group are trying to better our eating habits. What is the point of having cake if no one eats it?? So I asked for fruit, because, this small choice is important to me (I want my friends to be healthy too!)

This Sunday we are celebrating Phyllis's birthday. Lasagne and Cake. Oh boy. I will have a really nice salad (I make awesome salad with lots of veggies!), homemade dressing (so we know what's in it), cut up fruit. I might even have chicken, just so it's a better choice for me to eat.

And you want to know a funny new thing I've decided to do because my friend Lindsay inspired me... After I go to the bathroom, I do 10 squats. Minimum of 60 a day (which isn't hard, I usually round out about 100 a day EASY!) and my friend Vicki is going to show me some quick exercises too!

Free!

2012-01-11T10:25:00.000-08:00

If the Son sets you free, you are free indeed! John 8:35

So today, the day that I decide that the only choice is a good one! I am sure that there will be days when I want ice cream (and get it) but not today!

I posted earlier about no bread and no dairy. It is what is best for me!

Did you know that stress can make you fat?

Oh, I’ve got a double scoop of stress today.

But my God is bigger than that!

Yes, I struggle with food. The first thing I want to reach for when life gets a little crazy! Ice cream, pizza, yum! But I know that is no way to live, trapped in a prison I built myself! I am an overcomer! I have overcome so much because of His love and grace, and this too will be overcome! I will be free!!!

I stopped today and got a Lebanese salad with chicken today and it was sooooo good! I think I could eat them EVERY day! And I just might.

You see, my life is different. I have joy and peace and it lives in me! But who can see it hiding behind all this fat. I wonder if people judge me, heck, I judge myself. I hate that about me. I hate that my pants are too tight, that I don’t look cute!

I hate a lot of things… but one thing I know of… whatever is ahead of me is NOT bigger than the power behind me!

SO HERE I GO!

And God be with me, I am meeting with some beautiful ladies… and they chose to go out for Milkshakes… that will be a water for me please!

Making progress, using wisdom

2012-01-11T06:06:00.000-08:00

Praise the Lord! those two added pounds are gone.

I've been praying about what to do about this weightloss and this life changing stuff going on. I've been thinking about times when I've felt my best. I've been thinking about nutrition...

I am going back to the way that I know I feel better... No bread no dairy. Limited carbs. Carbs that are only whole. No processed crap.

Go ahead and debate me on this. But this I know... bread (pasta too) and cheese make me sick. When I eliminate those things from my life and then try to re-establish them, make me sick.

Wheat makes me run to the bathroom (you get the picture)
and cheese keeps me out of the bathroom (I think you're smart enough to catch this too).

So why do I want to put things in my body that make me feel crappy?

Oh I don't know. I'm stupid.

I've been talking to Phyllis about it.

So that's where I am. No bread. No dairy. 20 carbs a meal.

I can still eat yummy potatoes!

That's all I got.

what a day!

2012-01-09T17:50:00.000-08:00

What a day,
Oh what a day.
My baby brother ran away,
And now my tuba will not play.
I'm eight years old
And turning grey.
Oh what a day, Oh what a day.

Whenever I say oh what a day instantly that poem repeats in my head. LOL It's by Shel Silverstein.

Today was not about food. It was about Jesus. I clung to Him all day! It was a rough day, a day I wanted chocolate, and cheese and tortilla chips, and arabic food... and... but instead I stuck with it, knowing that success = doing what is right/long periods of time.

My plan was a walk in the morning, but I missed my queue to get out of bed. So I went in the evening. I even didn't want to do that at 8pm but I reminded myself that it was part of the plan, and in order to hit the goals I have set out, a walk was needed. 30 minutes, 1.72 miles. I wasn't setting any speed records, but I was out! and about! I was moving faster than I have moved in quite awhile.

I had a good weekend, I ate very well. However, I weighed myself and I was up two pounds, that's frustrating. But I'll keep doing what I know is right!!

So that's it. A little frustrating, but I know what to do. Going to just keep doing it.

Phil 3:13-14 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Good planning + some exercise!

2012-01-08T17:11:00.000-08:00

I normally do a really good job of plotting out what I am going to eat, usually have a few points to spare (just in case hunger strikes). Today I really tried planning out my meals even though today could have been sketchy. Plus helping Aunt Janice move meant I only went over my recommended daily points by 3 but I got a lot of activity points in all the moving! So yeah!

Tomorrow it's back to work and back to the routine, which makes things easier! I've got my salad planned for lunch, eggs for breakfast, salad for dinner! And lots of yummy fruit for snacks!

I am going to brave the cold in the morning and get my mile in early!

YEAH for planning! and YEAH for exercise!

Eating and choices... you can't always get what you want...

2012-01-04T13:42:00.000-08:00

Remembering that we eat to live not live to eat is difficult some days. Especially on the days when things don’t go exactly as planned. I thought I was going out and had it planned… but it didn’t work out.

I had lunch today, I’ll admit the cheesy enchiladas or the turkey burger looked more enjoyable that the salad from the salad bar I ate… and let’s face it, you better know what is on those salad bars or you could ‘think’ you’re doing well, when WHAMMO! Not so good!

My salad consisted of chicken breast, spinach, beets, an egg , chic peas, and some vinegar and oil (don’t be fooled by ‘healthy’ salad dressings that are full of sugar… Then it happened, I took a bit into those beets and they were sweetened! GAK! I LOVE LOVE LOVE beets. I can eat them straight out of the can, and have… but sugared up?? Gross! I wanted to throw it in the garbage and go get something else. That’s dumb. So I ate my salad… and then had some oatmeal later. Did I happen to tell you? I hate oatmeal. I found one that is palatable. But I don’t like it.

But I know that eating something because I wanted something ‘better’ is not the best way to get the results I want.

That’s a lot easier to say, than do. What I ate satisfied my hunger. What I ate was good for me.

But it’s a struggle everyday.

And if you’re wondering… I am bringing my own lunch from now on, and will have back up dressing in the fridge at work (I make my own so I know what’s in it – and it tastes GOOD!!)

I know I'm writing a lot, but when I struggle and work through things... I write... it's what I do...

ugh

2012-01-04T06:28:00.000-08:00

In the pure tradition of being honest, I am disgusted with myself.

My pants are cutting off my circulation.

Ugh.

And I stepped on the scale this morning only to discover that I weigh more than I've weighed in a decade.

Say it with me.

Ugh.

Yes, I know, this doesn't define me.

Yes, I know my pants size doesn't determine my heart.

Yes, I know Jesus loves me.

But it's me who is not thrilled with who I am.

Being disappointed did not stop me this morning, actually it motivated me to get my act together.

I read the bible. I was a little confused because I thought i was told that Noah was a drunk and God used Him anyway... however in Gen 3 it says that he was righteous... I need to figure that out because it's bugging me. Either way, I am thankful that God uses me inspite of me. In spite of my mistakes. In spite of my short-comings.

I packed my breakfast (hard boiled eggs). Logged my food for the morning including my snacks for the day. Instead of a cake for my birthday, my friend brought me fruit :) she knows me and loves me!!

I will do my exercises this evening. 100 crunches, 60 pushups (I did 50 yesterday), stretching, and walking a mile and thinking about doing my kettle ball DVD.

And for the record, not that you asked, if I would have been able to pick between Bob and Dolvett... Dolvett all the way!

Also going to make this Broke Bean Stew

oh boy... here we go!

2012-01-03T18:36:00.000-08:00

I am an all or nothing kind of girl. which makes it tough to take things slow.

A few months ago, i set out a plan on daily living. really living.

One does not become overweight over night. And one does not get back into shape overnight.

I got the clearance to run the marathon. I have to take it slow. LISTEN to my body. I am always inspired by Biggest Loser. While some eat ice cream while it's on, I did crunches (100) and push ups (50) and lots of stretching.

I announced on facebook that I would be doing the marathon. I will. But I've got to have a plan.

So here is my life plan. I'm also tracking it on my calendar so I see the stickers of what has been accomplished.

I'm a little nervous. But nothing (that's right - nothing) is impossible with God.

2012 is about healing.

Mind
Body
Heart

That means I have to work on all those to be the woman that God intends for me to be.

I like to think of it as living life in 3D.

Diet
Devotional
Discipline

It is such a great way to think about it! For some people losing weight may be a diet, a quick fix to lose weight, but to me, it’s about what you eat, the good and the bad (and sometimes the ugly!).

Merriam Webster says Diet can be defined as:

a : food and drink regularly provided or consumedb : habitual nourishmentc : the kind and amount of food prescribed for a person or animal for a special reasond : a regimen of eating and drinking sparingly so as to reduce one's weight
2: something provided or experienced repeatedly

I wrote out my own Real Life Plan:
Diet:
Stay within my WW points (32 + 47 extra)
Drink 96 ounces of water (minimum) – that’s ¾ gallon
Eat 5-7 servings of fruits and veggies (must be 0 point per WW guidelines)
Eat whole grains instead of ‘white’ carbs
Don’t overstuff myself – hey… what’s wrong with leftovers?
Eat in-between meals – but it must be a fruit or a veggie + protein

I am not going to limit myself with “don’t’s” as long as it is within my points.

Devotion:
Read my bible everyday
– I am in a study with friends with daily reading of the Chronological Bible on Youversion
– Memorize one scripture a week
– Dieter’s Prayer Book Devotional
– Live Loved/My Utmost for His Highest Devotional
– Journal/Blog
– Live Phil 3:13-14 EVERYDAY!

Discipline:
100 sit-ups everyday
Get 6-7 hours of sleep a night
Walk (soon run)/Go to gym 4 days a week
Read a God honoring book a month
More reading
I will be reporting out the good, the bad, and the ugly on how I am doing!

And by the way... I can't wait to get my shiny cape at the end!! I hope to see you there!!

Defying Gravity

2011-12-30T18:44:00.000-08:00

Did you see Wicked? I saw it! I love musicals. It runs in my family!

I’ve seen some fabulous shows. I’ve been going since I was in 2^nd grade and saw Annie at the Fisher Theatre. The big doors so hard to push. I’ve loved a lot of shows, but I’ve never loved any of them like I loved Wicked.

My favorite song was ‘defying gravity’. There are some lyrics that really hit my heart like something I just can’t explain.

I have often wondered if anyone ever thought I’d be… anything.

I will admit, I’ve had some cards stacked against me. Some by things that were out of my control, and some consequences to my own choices.

I’d like to just give you my thoughts on some of them.

Why couldn't you have stayed calm, for once! Instead of flying off the handle -- !

I hope you're happy
I hope you're happy now
I hope you're happy how you've
Hurt your cause forever
I hope you think you're clever

Do you know how many times I’ve thought I’ve blown my own cause for Christ because I could not keep my own emotions under control. Anger. Sadness. Oh I can tell you that I’ve found myself at the foot of the cross begging, BEGGING for forgiveness for my big mouth. It’s the thing I pray about the most.

Luke 6:45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

Often my heart is full of hurt.

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by
The rules of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes
And leap...

It's time to try defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
And you can't pull me down

Do you remember when Christ found you? Do you remember what a wretch you were? Oh I do. Ugh. U-G-L-Y. People don’t always know my mess because I don’t broadcast it. I think that if it is needed to be said, I would say it, but sometimes there is no need. Knowing where I have been and where I am now makes me thankful. And in that thankfulness I find myself more and more in love with Jesus. Sometimes I don’t think about where I am going, I just let Him lead me. It’s scary, and people tell me I’m crazy, just today someone called me insane. But a lot of times I don’t stop to think about the things He has called me to, because I’d be scared, and He did not create me with a spirit of fear. He created me to love and follow and serve Him.

1 Tim 1:7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline

I'm through accepting limits
Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love, I guess I've lost
Well if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost

I'd sooner buy defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

The funny part of my life is that I am not sure if I ever did what was expected of me, because I didn’t really know what people expected of me. I think I thought they just thought I was trash, and didn’t know what to do with me. At some point I figured out that I wasn’t. But I lived a life afraid to step out.

Go to Africa? Are you kidding me? Most are afraid for me to go to Juarez. When those schedules are put together, I am not scared. Sometimes if the voices in my head get too loud, I start to become afraid and worry, but I know that if God is truly with me, and I believe He is, then what is there to be afraid of!

Romans 8:31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

Glinda, come with me. Think of what we could do -together!

I think of people who don’t know Jesus, who don’t know their gifts. I think of the body of Christ, and how when we all work together, it is truly glorious.

1 Cor 12:12-14 ¹² Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For we were all baptized by[c] one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. 14 Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.

Tell them how I am defying gravity
I'm flying high, defying gravity
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!!

I know a lot of people think I’m crazy. How can I do things like go to Africa? Run marathons? What makes me think I can do it? Jesus. In Him, I can do anything.

Phil 4:13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

That means that I no longer have to live afraid. It means that chains that have bound me for so long, will no longer bind me. If I fail, I don’t fail because I didn’t try. I give my all to whatever I am called to. Whatever the cause, I will strive until the end comes. Living a life loving Jesus.

Phil 3:12-14 12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Back on Track

2011-12-14T03:13:00.000-08:00

I decided to join WW online. I don't want to fool myself and even THINK I am going to make the meetings, I don't have the time. But I love that I can track all my points, get encouragement, etc.

I've also started going back to the gym. Day 2 was difficult. Don't you hate it when that happens? You're all excited and motivated to get going and then day 2 you work a ton of hours, your stress level is higher, it's Christmas time after all, so there is LOTS to do... and for me it means 1/2 hour on the bike (I realize that is not much, but I am not released to do anything else and it's more than I was doing). I didn't want to, but I had already written it down, so I needed to go :)

I have to say that was a long 1/2 hour. I was tired, but I did it! And this morning, I am better for it! I have lots of energy as I start my day! I won't bore you with what I've accomplished (I usually do) but it's probably more than some people do all day!

So here I go! Day 3! I will be at the gym today! I will count my points! And I will stay focused on Jesus!

Everyday I am a little closer to running a marathon!

Not defined

2011-11-19T14:25:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I had no choice but to go get a new pair of jeans. One size BIGGER than I had. Seriously, it was getting ridiculous how uncomfortable I was.

At some point (not sure which point, or if I'll ever be back there again...) I realized... I am not defined by a pair of jeans.

Here's the deal, I know what size I am. I don't need anyone to remind me. I would like to lose weight. But until I get a really good 'all clear' from the doc, I can't really exercise like I'd like. I don't need a pair of stupid tight jeans to remind me of the lack of exercise and the poor choices in food I've made.

I know that I struggle with my weight and food, I always have, and I might always, I don't know. Maybe it's that in some way I am not surrendering this part of my life over to Jesus... hmmmm.. food for thought (LOL!).

I was listening (OVER AND OVER) to the song Aftermath by Hillsong United today. And I was praying for my heart to surrender this to Him. To remember that I am not defined by food, by jeans, by anything other than Him. This is not to say that I am giving myself permission to make poor choices, or give up this battle. This is to say that I refuse to wear those things around my neck like an anchor, that causes me to sink lower and lower.

"Aftermath"

[Verse 1:]
The skies lay low where You are
On the earth You rest Your feet
Yet the hands that cradle the stars
Are the hands that bled for me

[Chorus 1:]
In a moment of glorious surrender
You were broken for all the world to see
Lifted out of the ashes
I am found in the aftermath

[Verse 2:]
Freedom found in Your scars
In Your grace my life redeemed
For You chose to take the sinner's crown
As You placed Your crown on me

[Chorus 2 :]
In that moment of glorious surrender
Was the moment You broke the chains in me
Lifted out of the ashes
I am found in the aftermath

And in that moment You opened up the heavens
To the broken the beggar and the thief
Lifted out of the wreckage
I find hope in the aftermath

[Bridge:]
And I know that You're with me
Yes I know that You're with me here
And I know Your love will light the way

[Chorus 3:]
Now all I have I count it all as loss
But to know You and to carry the cross
Knowing I'm found
In the light of the aftermath

More than a conqueror!

2011-11-01T18:41:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks have been difficult. No gym, slowed down in just my average day, tons of stress. It's been difficult.

I'm thankful for a lot of things... I started to put together a plan of what I will do when I get the boot off, and the crutches are just something that stands in my closet... but until then... my pants are getting tighter. I could give you a million excuses. But I won't.

Not only have I been using my crutches to stand me up, I've been using food as a crutch to make it through each day... I didn't really notice how bad until I reached for a bag of M&M's before I had to make a difficult phone call. OUCH!

I was listening to a sermon today that referenced something that RT Kendall said... you can measure someone's spiritual maturity by how long it takes them to confess their sin and repent. WOW! That's good. I am surely not very mature, however, it didn't take me long to figure it out, bring it the surface and give it to God.

Also, the problem with making plans too far out, my plan is to get a trainer, back to the gym... is that sometimes I tend to do nothing now or I make plans to relax, eat what I want... my day will come soon enough, but that's really not ok. God doesn't call us to stand on the side lines in order to bring Him glory, there are things I can do now. I can do my kettle ball, shoulders, arms. Crunches, leg lifts, sit ups. All I can do while being off my leg.

And so today... I started. Back to it. More fruits and veggies, planning my meals. I won't quit quitting! I am a conqueror, I am MORE than a conqueror in Christ Jesus.

So here I go... again!

Romans 8:31-39 ³¹ What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ³³Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. ³⁴ Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. ³⁵ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ³⁶ As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”^[a]

³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[b] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Life plan?

2011-10-06T02:54:00.000-07:00

I taped my life plan up in my kitchen, so I wouldn't waver. I waved. Like a Disney Princess in a Parade. :/

So here I am today, back on the life plan. So many people are dying around me, having strokes, cancer. It sucks. So I am going to do something about it... so here I go!

Last night I did my 100 situps. Went to the gym Monday, and THIS morning! Read my bible. Acts 6-8, and 3 days in my chronological bible, God spoke! I love it!

So here I go... again! You can check out my plan! Plus people keep telling me I'm inspiring... so I better be!

http://itsnotaboutfood.blogspot.com/2011/07/living-life-in-3d.html

Keep going!!! Marathon & my heart!

2011-09-19T09:53:00.000-07:00

I’ve been discouraged about running. I miss it. I miss just deciding at a moment’s notice that I will get pop on my shoes and hit the pavement. I miss that if I ate too much of something, a good run can combat that. I miss the feeling I get from running. I miss that feeling of knowing that I was doing something greater than me by running a marathon.

I’ve been asking God to speak to me about it. I’m planning on meeting and cheering my friends on as they run, and also my plan was that as soon as I am cleared to run, I will start training (slowly) to run the marathon on April. I wasn’t planning on giving up the dream of sending $2620 to 4-more for wells ($100 for every mile I run).

But like in most of the things in my life I was getting discouraged. Until yesterday. God blew my socks off. I was talking to a complete stranger about my boot and how I hurt my foot (to be perfectly honest I wondered why he even cared about my boot, he didn’t even know me), and when I told him why I was running a marathon… he handed me $20! WOW! What an encouragement! And then! At RC Detroit, the Pastor asks for anyone who needs prayer, I was going to raise my hand but I didn’t, but my friend Netta came up to me and prayed for me foot and my heart (both in need of healing!). I have no idea what made my friend come pray for me but I am glad she did, there is something about being lifted up in prayer that can change our hearts. And to have the confirmation of the $20 that will go towards my goal was like having God whisper in my ear – if I bring you to it, I’ll bring you through it.

It is amazing how when we can feel His eyes on us it can change our hearts and our attitudes!

Zumba & the gym...

2011-08-15T18:11:00.000-07:00

I went to Zumba today. I seriously forgot how much I love love love it. Can't wait to go back next week! I actually am considering going back to Anytime Fitness in Flat Rock because it's such a great gym, need to weigh out (get it) the distance!

Ran 4.63 miles yesterday, thought I was running 4 so that extra was great! I already have next Sunday's 6-something run plotted out. To say I can't wait would be lying, but I'm looking forward to completing it.

My friend Susie, well, she was a trainer last year, she is always posting great stuff, she posted this the other day:

What do I fear?
I fear stagnation and lack of progress.
I fear never reaching my potential and being average.
I fear being forgotten…The past…Yesterday’s news.
I fear giving up and being passed by, going softly into that good night.
I fear settling, giving in to the “that’s just the way it is” mindset.
I fear not feeling these fears anymore and just floating along.
These fears feed me, they nourish my drive.
I love my fear

–Sean Nelson

I super loved this, so now it's on my cupboard at home. Trying to stay motivated, thankful, I found the release I was looking for!

Yes, I do realize I'm fat and the shape I am is a circle, so I'm working on it!

Be inspired! Be inspiring!

light overcame darkness!

2011-08-08T06:09:00.000-07:00

Does the word vacation frighten you a little? It does me. I almost always overeat on vacation. I hate that about me, and I don't know why I do it, knowing the consequences, quite frankly not sure why I do it the days I'm not on vacation too.

We are up in Traverse City for a long weekend. WOW! it's been so great! I've also been eating well and today I got my second run in the morning! Yesterday 2.8 miles, this morning 3. There's a sub close that I can run it, and so I am happy to report I got in two good runs. Maybe not long ones, but at the end of them both I felt exhilarated and a little tired at the same time. That is a good run. Once I finished cooling down I remembered why it is that I loved to run last year.

I try to only listen to music that is honoring to God so that when I run, it is full on worship. Today I contemplated the first 5 verses of John 1 (insprired by Chilly.)
¹ In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ² He was with God in the beginning. ³ Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. ⁴ In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. ⁵ The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

I was thinking about how hard sometimes it really is to run. how hard it is to run when you are fat! But sometimes I just know that God created me for something way more than just to be fat. He created me to be an overcomer! and sometimes I have to really fight off the "you're too's" that have been said to me in my life, and all the things that I hate about myself. But here's the crazy thing, and you might just know that I've gone over the deep end loving Jesus when I say this...

God's light shines in my life, into my heart, so when the darkness comes and tries to steal my joy, from the reminders of double chins, fat stomachs, wide hips, a big butt, that the shape I am is a circle instead of a pretty hourglass, I am reminded that I can overcome, that God's light shines in the darkness, that I can do this, I can be a marathon finisher (not sure if I can run the whole thing) in October, and that it means that each week, I must add 2-3 miles to my long runs, but I can do it, because it's just 1/2 mile a run. I can do that. That's easy :) I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4:13).

Look out darkness, you're about to be overcome!!!!

Back to the Drawing Board

2011-08-05T05:54:00.000-07:00

You know that I have 4 or 5 (or 10) WW books at home that never make it past week 13. Well, now I have one that is at week 14. And did you know that you get a silly award at 16 weeks. I know! Makes me just want to get that award.

I've had a rough couple weeks. Last night though, I made it back (I skipped last week). To be honest, I was +.8 but I think it may have been worse had I not been running/on my bike the last couple weeks.

I am taking my bike to Traverse City, my goal will be to enjoy some quiet time on the porch in the morning AFTER I ride for a couple miles along the water :) I also plan on running while I am up there (maybe in the evenings, then I can enjoy some quiet time on the porch AFTER I run). I also plan on enjoying marshmallows too!

If I bite it, I'll write it, if I nibble it, I'll scribble it, if I drink it, I'll ink it.

You're only a failure if you quit trying!

Won't it be amazing if I come BACK from vacation a LOSER!!!

Living life in 3D

2011-07-19T18:51:00.000-07:00

I really admire Pastor Chilly who is the Pastor at Real Church in the D. He lets Jesus use him to bring Hope to Detroit. He brings a real/relevant and usually 'whoa' message every week. I can't think of a time when I didn't leave challenged by a message he has delivered (and his awesome wife Netta is an awesome friend to me!) Pastor Chilly has a Real Life Plan. ** one thing (there are many!) I admire about Pastor Chilly is that he leads by example, and he admits when he is less than perfect!

I like to think of it as living life in 3D.

Diet
Devotional
Discipline

You can check out his Real Life Plan here.

It is such a great way to think about it! For some people losing weight may be a diet, a quick fix to lose weight, but to me, it’s about what you eat, the good and the bad (and sometimes the ugly!).

Merriam Webster says Diet can be defined as:

a : food and drink regularly provided or consumedb : habitual nourishmentc : the kind and amount of food prescribed for a person or animal for a special reasond : a regimen of eating and drinking sparingly so as to reduce one's weight
2: something provided or experienced repeatedly

I wrote out my own Real Life Plan:
Diet:
Stay within my WW points (32 + 47 extra)
Drink 96 ounces of water (minimum) – that’s ¾ gallon
Eat 5-7 servings of fruits and veggies (must be 0 point per WW guidelines)
Eat whole grains instead of ‘white’ carbs
Don’t overstuff myself – hey… what’s wrong with leftovers?
Eat in-between meals – but it must be a fruit or a veggie + protein

I am not going to limit myself with “don’t’s” as long as it is within my points.

Devotion:
Read my bible everyday
– I am in a study with friends with daily reading of the Chronological Bible
– 5 chapters a week with ‘my girls’ – currently we are studying Ezekial
– Memorize one scripture a week
– Dieter’s Prayer Book Devotional
– Live Loved/My Utmost for His Highest Devotional
– Journal/Blog
– Live Phil 3:13-14 EVERYDAY!

Discipline:
100 sit-ups everyday
Get 6-7 hours of sleep a night
Run/Go to gym 4 days a week
Read a God honoring book a month
More reading

When asked to comment today, here were my answers:
Diet: some good days… some not so good, I weigh in today at Weight Watchers. so who knows but I have been working on getting my fruits and veggies in. (+1.4 this week :/)
Devotion: probably best it’s ever been. it’s kind of crazy for me because I kind of felt like the ‘world’ was trying to invade my space, so I took that space and filled it with God’s Word – daily reading of the Chronological bible, reading 5 chapters a week/note taking on the book of Ezekial with my 11th grade girls I lead, following the Real church bible reading plan, and reading the ‘Utmost’ daily devotional, plus one from a dieter’s prayer devotional… And just started Rob Bell’s ‘Love wins’ and going to start ‘the poor will be glad’. (yeah – I know kind of crazy but I cut back on the TV I was watching, realized it wasn’t worthy of my time!)
Discipline: Only ran once this week (but it’s only Tuesday), plan on getting in 3 miles at least once, and gonna shoot for 4 on Saturday.

Sometimes you get what you deserve...

2011-07-12T03:21:00.000-07:00

Warning, this post may contain TMI for some... don't say I didn't warn you...

I didn't post my loss (or gain) on FB last week. i was disappointed that I had gained another pound. I must confess, I deserved it (and probably more to tell you the truth). i celebrated and kind of wallowed that week/weekend before the weigh in, so that's what happens...

This week, back on track. Went bike riding, running, went for a walk yesterday with one of my girls, we walked about 2.75 miles. Stayed within my points all week, still have quite a few of the 'extra' points left.

I'm back to planning my meals, which helps out IMMENSELY!

The problem is that my 'aunt flo' came to visit this week, and that can throw everything off! So I am not sure how I am going to do, I know that my own scale at home is moving in the right direction :)

So not sure what the scale will say, but this may be one of those weeks when I just have to say 'the scale doesn't define me' because I know it's been full of good choices!

I will find victory!

2011-06-28T14:50:00.001-07:00

I’m a little disappointed in +.8 this week. Of course, being that I had ALL my favorites at the grad party, it could have been so much worse.

I will find victory.

I will find victory in the fact that as stressed as I got at one point or another, I turned to Jesus, not food.

I will find victory in the fact that I ate 3 cookies, not 3 plate fulls.

I will find victory that in my favorites, there were healthy options for me and others!

I will find victory in ONLY +.8 when it could have easily been +8 (you know it’s true)

I will find victory in that I am an overcomer!

I will find victory that tomorrow is a new day!

I will find victory in that I’m still a loser (overall) and that makes me a winner!

as of late....

2011-06-23T03:36:00.000-07:00

So I weighed in Tuesday, was thrilled, -2.2. Total since back to WW, -15!

Phyllis’s party is Satruday, and we have another party Sunday. Of all the things I am stressed out about… what the heck I’m going to eat on Saturday is top of the list! I want to have whatever I want, there’s a reason why I chose the food I did, I love it!! And let’s just not forget that I could eat my weight (which is a lot) in homemade potato salad (I’m completely serious about this!).

My next goal is –20. I’m giving myself a month. 1 month, 5 lbs, seems reasonable. Starting Sunday I will be running again. I have put off my training long enough, I have to get in the game. I have been so busy, but I need to make it a priority and I will be running 5 & 10K’s as some added ‘fun’. Fun? I know… not really. So soon I’ll be checking for them.

So that’s it. Stressed about eating… yikes…

I did download the free Craving God devotional onto my nook, it was free! So I think that will also help, you can get it online too, delivered right to your emailbox.

Check out the website http://madetocrave.org/

Fat Club

2011-06-21T02:12:00.000-07:00

I joined the fat club at work. I was the first girl. You put in $100 and in 12 weeks (or something) you need to lose 10 pounds. It’s totally doable in a safe way and it’s good motivation. If you lose the 10 pounds, you get your money back, and anyone who doesn’t, their money goes into the pool and divided amongst anyone who does.

Soooo…. By the standards of every scale I weigh on, I’m there, EXCEPT the scale at work. I seriously think it’s broken! I weigh in today, so I don’t know what the WW scale will same (I’m hoping for -2.2) and I’m going to be close by the changes in my scales.

I am trying not to think about it, I weigh in June 30, it is what it is. I know that I’ve done a good job in making choices of what to eat and what not to eat. I’ve counted my points, even yesterday, I was hungry, I didn’t have any points left for the day (I had 36 points left from my extra) but since today is weigh in day, I chose strawberries instead of anything else.

Of course we want to win. But thankfully, this battle, it’s already won by the Lord, I just need to stay in His path, He will take care of it all.

James 4:1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?

P.S I bought a pair of Capri's about 6 weeks ago... they were kind of tight... yesterday I got them off, without struggle and i didn't have to unbutton or unzip them :)

Everyday is a struggle

2011-06-17T10:04:00.000-07:00

Everyday is a struggle for me, especially when I'm tired, when I'm emotional.

Today was one of the those days. I'm both. So on days like to day, I try to find victory in the smallest of things. I passed on a cupcake (I did!) and I didn't eat mayo because it wasn't the olive oil kind (I did that too).

It might not seem like a big deal, however, we make millions of choices in our lifetime, they make up who we are, and today, I am successful!

Why I passed on ice cream...

2011-06-13T09:31:00.001-07:00

Yesterday my name was on the board for a free Medium Ice cream sundae at a local Dairy Queen near my house. Let me tell you I was so excited to see my name that I almost drove off the road. True Story.

I had decided that I would go after I got done grocery shopping, I had also decided that I might just eat that for lunch instead of real food. True Story.

I love grocery shopping. I mean I LOVE LOVE LOVE it! I was thinking about how much weight I had lost so far, last week -4.6, -11.6 total for 6 weeks. I think about this while grocery shopping because it helps me to stay on track.

I have PCOS. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I am on 3 different meds to get rid of it. FOR GOOD. A big part of PCOS has to do with insulin production, and I am on Metphormin that is a treatment for Diabetes. I hate being on meds, but I also hate feeling like crap more. Another thing I am on is Adipex. This one I really hate. It makes me hyper and increases the rate of my heart. It is indeed a ‘diet pill’. I didn’t want to go on it, and I take half the prescribed dose because the doc did say that one full pill might be too much.

Anyway back to the ice cream. I decided that I want to get healthy. And we did have Roma’s the night before. And so I decided that I did not need the ice cream. I want to be healthy, I was thinking about how I want to live a long healthy life. In church on Sunday, Phyllis put her head on my shoulder as we were listening to the pastor teach. And as I thought about that ice cream, I thought, I’d like to have my granddaughter do that while we are sitting in church. It might mean that I will have to pass on ice cream sometimes, but I think it will be worth it.
On my mom's side... my grandma never met me, my mom never met Phyllis... I'd like to break that cycle.

Sharing my Journey

2011-06-08T03:48:00.001-07:00

I’m pretty excited about my weightloss this week! -4.6 pounds! Last week was +1.6 so seeing that number was pretty freaking awesome! The best part? They asked me what brought me back to WW and I got to tell them, Jesus! And the woman in front of me said ‘I’m not very religious, but I pray’. Hmmm… maybe this is going to be a time to share the love of Jesus with her! Every week I can’t wait to encourage her!

I was thinking about the verse Josh 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

So true! Don’t be discouraged. I thought I could have easily gone back to the old way of eating, skipped WW all together but this is my journey right now. It’s hard and exciting!

I hit my first and second goal this week! Woo hoo!!

It is what it is...

2011-06-01T03:30:00.000-07:00

This past week has been crazy. when you fail to plan you plan to fail. isn't that my personality? I'm such a planner.

It was a crazy week, followed by a crazy weekend of pizza.

I weighed in... +1.6 OUCH! but it does not define me.

I made every choice to put that food in my mouth to end up with the results I did.

When I sent my little Phyllis a text she said 'good thing there's next week'. She's so supportive.

I've been really tired at night lately. Trouble getting off the couch. That's not like me. Gonna get back on my some of my supplements, I've been off them for awhile and I think I need to get back on them!

I'm going to the endcrinologist today about my PCOS. Not sure what he will say, but I'm excited (kind of) to kick this in the butt and move on!

It's a week ahead of good choices!

This week's results!

2011-05-18T05:57:00.000-07:00

So… I went to weight watchers yesterday… and I would have been happy with just breaking even. I know that late in the game (WW week) I ate things that were not the best choices, I wrote it all down

If you…

Bite it you write it
Drink it you ink it
Snack it you track it

Somehow I was -.4 which was good, I was happy! Sometimes a little grace goes your way. Sometimes you follow program to the ‘T’ and you don’t lose. The point is that this is a way of life, not a diet.

Our Pastor said before that success is doing the right things for long periods of time. Truth.

So this weekend will consist of working the garage and that will be some major calorie burnage. I’m hoping for a good week next week, I’d like to get to -10 soon! Right now -8.6 not too bad for my third weigh in (~1 month on the program).

Yesterday we ate at Johnny Carino’s… ate way too much bread and pasta, but it’s the meal after weight watchers so I pretty much eat whatever I want. It was YUMMY!

Today it’s back to program! Snacks packed, blueberries and bananas, and just figuring out what’s for lunch!

Grace.

I'm quite sure....

2011-05-16T07:59:00.001-07:00

if I hated to eat, I’d be skinny LOL

What a weekend! I made lots of yummy food for a fundraiser dinner and then Sunday made tacos for lunch, and we had pizza and salad for dinner! Yum! I also made chocolate chip cookies for dessert to love on my family a little! I did write it all down, gotta figure out the points, but it’s written down!

I blew it, I expect to gain weight this week (weigh on Tuesday) but it is what it is. We move on or we move up (in weight) so today, I started with my usual 4 point breakfast and banana, had some blueberries for a snack and I will have a sensible dinner with veggies, no point in beating myself up about it. Some weeks are a little better than others, the cold rainy weather isn’t helping my running/exercise!

Planned my meals for the week, thankful that our mercies are new every morning!

Not defined!

2011-05-10T05:52:00.000-07:00

Today is WW weigh in day. I don’t know how it happened that Tuesdays ended up my day, but I love the meeting lady, so I’ll stick with it, it does make me accountable over the weekend and makes me choose wisely. AND write all my points down.

I received the dining out companion and the big book of points plus AND it had the 3 month tracker, and I didn’t even know that was in there so I was super excited (doesn’t take much, huh?)

I did well this week, I watched everyday and did not have an ice cream on Sunday, even though I wanted it because I just didn’t have enough points. I plan a lot better and choose wisely. I don’t know how it happens some days and I know that even if I ‘fall off’ for one meal, it does not give me a pass to just go crazy.

I’m on a new medication for my PCOS and I don’t know if it’s working, apparently it takes 2 weeks to really get going in your system, and this is starting week 3. So we will see.

I believe that I cannot be measured by someone else’s ruler, and the scale does not define me. I did well this week, exercised, made good choices, and it doesn’t all come off in one week, and I had a great week this week.

So whatever the scale says, it doesn’t matter, I feel good this week putting healthy things in my body, not shoving my face into a vat of ice cream when my heart was breaking over missing my mom!

His grace is sufficient!

2 Cor 12:9 (NLT) Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

Breakfast

2011-05-06T04:56:00.000-07:00

You should always eat breakfast, that's what they say. I agree, I'm hungry the moment my feet hit the floor in the morning. Finding a low point breakfast that holds me over till 10AM snack time can be tricky, especially if you hate oatmeal and yogurt. I'm happy to say I found one...

1 Whole Wheat English Muffin (Good health brand I think) 2 pts
3 egg whites cooked with spinach (1)
1 swiss laughing cow cheese (1)

This is yummy and quick and holds me over :)

It took me some trial and error of how many points things are on the new system.

BTW... PB&J... 7 points, what the heck!
4 points for the bread (whole wheat)
2 points for PB
1 point for fruit spread...

But I do love me some PB&J! LOVELOVELOVE!

Thanks to a run I got to eat an extra half of one yesterday!! woooo hoooooo!!!! Almost as good as ice cream (that's how much I love PB&J)

Err on the side of grace

2011-04-26T18:00:00.000-07:00

Some people do really well on their own, me I need support, and accountability. I need other people's ideas, etc.

After a long fight with pride, I rejoined Weight Watchers. Talked to some peeps about their newest program, and I must say... I think I'm gonna like it. I mean as much as you can like not getting to eat whatever you want and as much as you want... but I'll like it more than being fat, thank you very much.

So... I'm sure a lot of people think 'oh here she goes again, fallen, I wonder how long she will last this time?' There are so many times we fall, we get back up, we go running back into the arms of God, for whatever our struggle is. And I always think we should err on the side of grace. Forgive people, lift them up, even if they might fall again. Err on the side of love... I do that for others, but I'm so hard on myself!

Well, here's the thing, I'm erring on the side of grace for me. No more self loathing. Even to the point that I cleaned out my closet and if the clothes weren't within one size (down) of where I am now, they are getting donated. No more self loathing (every time i looked at those size 8 pants I'd think 'you're such an idiot, a failure! - NO MORE OF THAT!). Half the fun of losing weight is buying new clothes anyway!

So here I go... (again)...

2 Cor 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

I'm working on it

2011-04-11T07:12:00.000-07:00

The other day as I was shoving Marissa Lopez's burritos in my mouth, I knew I was eating for pleasure. With all the stress I have, it is a true miracle I didn't eat all 30 of them that she brought over.

I've gone back to the old stand-by Andy Stanley best question ever.

Is this a wise decision based on my past experiences, my current circumstances, and my future hopes and dreams?

Please God, let Your Holy Spirit speak to me and through me as I focus on You, and all that You have planned for my life.

Amen!

I must do the work!

2011-01-10T06:38:00.001-08:00

If I want something, I must be willing to do the work. I have to say that I haven’t written everything down that I’ve popped in my mouth, I haven’t gotten off the couch and done leg lifts, and sit ups, haven’t covered 2/3 my plate with veggies, haven’t drank my gallon of water everyday. And I can tell, in a lot of ways.

Not as much energy

My clothes don’t fit like I’d like

My size isn’t going down

The scale is telling me a truth that I just don’t like

Here’s the thing, I must be willing to do the work.

I must do the work of writing things down, I must do the work of cutting up veggies, and planning out meals, I must drink my water, I must take my vitamins, I must plan.

I must get up and run. I must get off the couch and do situps, and leg lifts, and arm exercises, a healthy, strong core is important!

However.

This is not just about food for me, its about feelings, and comfort. I must also be willing to hear what God has to say to me and to be obedient and follow His direction. It means I must be deliberate in the reading of the bible, to do my bible studies about the things that I struggle with.

I know that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and so is the aisle way to the size of clothes that I don’t like to wear.

I can’t take a pill, a drink meal supplements, I can do those things short term to get started, and be successful, long term, I must be willing to do the work, I must have a plan, I must stick to the plan.

For me, it means I live by faith not by feelings, it means I trust God, I listen to His direction, I pray, I praise, I pray, I praise, I do things that are hard, I do things that hurt, in order to get where I need to get. I think about the ‘Skit Guys’ and their ‘God’s Masterpiece’ skit, you’ll have to look it up on Youtube. Its worth the time to watch it. I have to believe that God is working for my good, that He has my best interest. After all, He did get up on a cross and die for me, I should, and I will live for Him.

I think about how hard it was to finish a mile and 4 months later, I finished a half marathon. Because I was willing to do the work.

Matthew 10:39 Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.

If I could just tell you...

2010-11-07T13:46:00.000-08:00

That getting up super early makes the kind of difference in your life that you'll never believe.

If you think I don't understand 'I already get up early enough' you're dead wrong. It is NOT easy for me to get up at 4:30, it means that I must commit to getting to be NO later than 10, but my goal is 9:30.

It makes this amazing difference in my life, it gives me more energy, it gives me a better outlook, and it means that I do not stress over when (or how) I will get my workout in. Yes, it is only 1/2 per day, but I can tell you, most people I know don't even workout a 1/2 hour a week, and I USED to be one of those people.

It really does help me to focus more on what God sees in me, because my mind is clear.

It is difficult but you are worth it! (and so am I!)

Sorry its been so long!

2010-11-01T06:11:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning, at 4:30AM to get to the gym at 5:00 and be home by 5:40 so I could start my day beginning with my workout, which really only included 30 minutes on the elipitical. It really doesn’t seem like much, 30 minutes, but I like it, its manageable in my schedule. Sure, if I had less responsibilities, like I didn’t work or have a beautiful daughter, I could workout more, but really, spending 1-2 hours in the gym 3-5 times a week doesn’t just seem possible for me. 30 minutes seems manageable and something I can do long term. Oh, and did I mention that, at my current size, I don’t like the gym. I’ll admit it, I’m intimidated. I’m intimidated by those who are thinner and more muscular than me, male or female. I have weird things that I call my goals – I want to lose 10 more pounds (by Christmas) before I get some help with strength training at the gym, those machines are crazy, I loved them before but I think I may have forgotten what works what.

Let me also tell you this. Something I am struggling with. Back in the day I was thin, I looked so good, and you never caught me, other than working out, wearing sweatpants, or with roots, I never went more than 6 weeks before my hair was done, it was more like 4 weeks. I really took really good care of myself, I don’t know I believed I was worth it, but I know that I took care of myself, you didn’t find me at the store without a shower and if I didn’t do my hair, it was in a clip pulled tightly back, perfect. It really drives me crazy that people don’t take care of themselves, because I know my heart when I wasn’t taking care of myself, it was more like ‘it doesn’t matter anyway’. It does matter, and they matter!

I am slowly starting to be awakened with love for me. I know it sounds selfish, but I am slowly starting to believe again that I do deserve love, well, maybe I don’t actually deserve it, but I need it. I need love from others and I need to love myself. For nothing more than so I can better love others. The bible says that we are supposed to love our neighbors as ourselves, but what does that look like if we don’t love ourselves? Hmmm….

You see this journey, though it can be found more on my other website http://www.christdrivenmom.blogspot.com/ isn’t about food. It isn’t about food at all. It’s about my heart, its about the condition of my heart. Sure, I love ice cream, and cheese, and chips, and a whole lot of other things, but sometimes I just would seek that stuff for comfort, and that wasn’t good, because hunger wasn’t the problem, so eating wasn’t the solution, and really eating caused me more problems…

For the record, it was hard to get out of bed. I almost just said ‘I’ll go later’ but I got up, and it was difficult, but I do feel better, I have a lot of energy today, as well as a small sense of accomplishment.

Luke 10:27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’ ; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”

2010-06-22T10:10:00.001-07:00

My Goals

The areas I would like to improve the most about my body and fitness levels are:

Body: My belly and my yucky butt and when I wave at someone, if someone else is too close they might get knocked out by my flabby arms

Fitness levels: I’d like to RUN up the stairs, I’d like to run 7 miles on the treadmill for 30 minutes straight. I’d like to run the Detroit ½ marathon. I’d like to do the Detroit Marathon Relay

Identify the biggest problems or barriers in your path that may prevent you from reaching your fitness goals.

That I don’t think I’m worth taking the time for.

That someone (outside of my immediate family) is always asking me to do something and because I am a people pleaser (afraid people will always leave) I say yes, even to the point of my own exhaustion.

I am BUSY!!! Work, home, Alive, Church, volunteering at soup kitchens. Taking time for everyone but myself.

In what ways are you responsible for these situations?

I am responsible for all these situations. I can believe that I am worth it, that God loves me and I need to love myself, that means taking time for me.

I am allowed to say no, I just have to give myself permission. People will come in and out of our lives in and out of our control, it has nothing to do with whether or not we can do something for them.

I may be busy, but that means I may have to say no to something, let someone else have the blessing and accomplishment of serving others. If I always say yes, that means others don’t get to. I’m stealing blessings from them without them even knowing. If I don’t say no, others cannot say yes.

Imagine that you have the ability to reach any fitness goals you could ever set yourself. What do you look like?
I’m thin, I have clear skin (because no garbage in). I will look good in my clothes, I will have natural curves not rolls. Rolls are for the dinner table, and only whole grain!

What size clothes do you wear? How do you feel about yourself? How much do you weigh?
Size 6/8 jeans, Medium shirts
I will love myself because God will work on my heart and how I view myself. I will no longer be validated by others but validated by God. I will weigh 140-150

What are your most common excuses for not eating right or exercising?

That I’m tired, that I don’t have time.

What are some things that you can do to offset your justifications or reasons?

I will not accept excuses from myself. I will find people who will truly keep me accountable.

The things I will need to sacrifice that will help me achieve these goals are:

I need to come to the realization that I am not everybody’s everything. That I am successful. That I have great value. I will need to plan, so that means I need to grocery shop accordingly. My family can exercise with me, we can run, swim, etc.

2010-06-02T03:42:00.000-07:00

Don't judge each day by the harvest that you reap,
but by the seeds that you plant

Everyday I read that. I think about all the people that I plant seeds into their lives, I see their beauty, how great they are, their beautiful spirits.

I plant no seeds in my own life. I can't think of a day when I've thought "you're great, beautiful, or funny" I've always filled my head with doubts. I've thought of every way that I'm not good enough, in so many ways.

This is what I think of:

Be a nurse (constant disappointment)
Don't use power tools (you'll wreck it)
You'll always be fat (no matter how you try, you'll always be a failure)

I think its time to start planting a flower garden in my own life. To remove self doubt, to remove the things that hurt me, and to begin to grow my own garden.

Song of Solomon 4:7 All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you.

slowly but surely

2010-06-01T03:01:00.000-07:00

I don't know how I managed to get out of Cedar Point without eating cheese fries, although I did have Qdoba so that probably saved me!

I did have about 3 bites of dippin' dots only to give them away. I really wanted them, waited til the end of the day and then thought "these aren't even that good" and along comes Adam to my rescue and eats them!

I'm down around 4 pounds, pretty good for about 7 or 8 days not sure because i don't have a calendar in front of me, and I was able to pass on Coldstone two days in a row when I could hear it calling my name. Funny because I don't even feel like ice cream is my biggest deal to get over, but lately it has been.

There's spinach, chicken, & veggies for lunch all week!

Gotta stay focused!!

staying focused

2010-05-24T03:45:00.000-07:00

its gonna be a busy week, there is only one way to succeed, stay focused!

Focused on planning on what to eat
Focused on making good choices
and most importantly...

Focused on Jesus!

Another New Beginning

2010-05-20T09:06:00.000-07:00

So I stepped on the scale today, because my pants are getting tight. And because I want to know where I am starting. Its no surprise if you took a look at me that I’m not happy. I hate the way I look. If I was the correct size, I’d be happy, but I’m the one who made these choices, and continued to make these choices that lead me where I am today, and it’s only my choices that will lead me back to health. It’s about depending on God instead of food. Yes, I know I’ve said this a million, maybe two million times.

And I know what to do. I just need to do it. I need to plan, I need to shop correctly, I need to get out of the mentality that it’s cheap so I’ll buy it. Nope. That’s not a good mentality.

So today, I started. If it doesn’t have a momma or come from the ground, it shouldn’t go in my mouth!

Scrambled eggs (2)
Turkey sausage (2)
Spinach salad
Cucumbers
Tomatoes
Turkey breast
Celery/PB

Not sure what’s for dinner yet, but I’ll figure it out, probably chicken breasts and salad or some yummy veggies. Going to try to just walk today, no running, no gym, just some fresh air and moving my feet!

Dear Lord, be there with me. I know in You I cannot fail. I want my outward self to reflect the amazing changes You’ve made in my life!!

Another New Beginning - Lyla Akouri
Dear God,
YOu know how lost I've been
You also know my fears.
As I stand here - at the beginning of this new year,
I ask that You take my hand.
Pull me out of the question mark I have been living in.
Lead me through the days and months ahead.
Give me the strength to let go of me, and hold on to you.
Only You, oh God.
Teach me again the ways of Your love.
Show me once more your spirit within me.
Reveal to me anew what a blessing it is to be alive,
to love and be loved; and the beauty in each new day.
I promise I will do my best to find joy in all things;
to be a light of love to others;
and a light of love to self.
From this day forward, a new "me" emerges.
From this day on, a new song written.
May it be pleasing to you, oh Lord.
May it be beautiful, to all those who hear it.

AMEN!

Back to it, better choices

2010-04-12T10:36:00.001-07:00

Loving Panera’s new menu board. I love that they show all the calories to each menu item. Its so awesome! Went there for lunch today. Talked myself into the .99 bakery item. Thankfully I got the little ticket that you can chose what you want when you’re done eating. As I was standing in the a really long line, I decided that I would just give someone in line my ticket. I didn’t need anything. They didn’t have my favorite which is the cranberry orange muffin so part of me was like ‘if I can’t have my favorite, I shouldn’t have anything” so I didn’t. I was thinking about getting the Oatmeal Raisin Cookie. 370 Calories, 14 g fat! It would have been 8 points! Not worth it! SO NOT WORTH IT!!!!

Tomorrow we are going to the Tiger Game. I have to make good choices, it will be hard to be there and not eat crap, but I’ve got to plan! Bring an apple, some veggies to snack on. I didn’t eat that good this weekend, and I also didn’t poop that good either.

Anyway, glad I got some good stuff at home. I think I’m gonna bbq some chicken or something tonight, and I’ve got some good veggies and I’ll make some homemade dressing! YUM!

I’d like a good weightloss this week. Maybe I’ll even try to get on the treadmill a couple days this week!

Being accountable on the scale, helps keep me motivated.

you gotta start somewhere

2010-03-30T03:34:00.000-07:00

So I gained like 8 pounds since 'falling off', still down 9.6 and I'll call that a victory! And I'm calling it a victory that I am 'back to it'. Its really been hard since my kitchen is a mess, but I can take snacks with me whereever I go... celery and apples seem to be my favorite snacks these days!

Another thing that is difficult is that to eat well is not cheap. Friday I need to make dinner for everyone in the Good Friday production, well, I don't have to, I want to, the problem is that I have to make something different for them than I make for me. I think I'm making them mostacolli, I'll probably have salad with chicken.

So... I'm working on it, working on my heart, and my body.

Getting back on track

2010-03-29T07:47:00.000-07:00

so I started this journey in October 2009, I've been up and down, and for about a month, probably more up than down. It's been difficult because my schedule is not really permitting me to make it to my WW meetings on Saturdays, but that's really just an excuse. I've changed my weigh in days to Fridays to be accountable because I need that.

I've also been back to "Dr. Voodoo" who is a chiropractor and he also sells nutritional supplements, I actually feel better than I have in probably a year. Eating back the way I should, naturally, as 'The Jillian' (that's what I call Jillian Michaels) says "if it doesn't have a momma or come out of the ground you shouldn't eat it"

I'm really feeling well, funny swallowing all those supplements again. My mood is better, I have more energy, sleeping better.

Dr. Gill (aka Dr. Voodoo) said the other day "eat right and the pounds will melt off of you" and so that was all the re-motivation I needed.

So hear I go... again...

Spinach!

2010-02-16T03:36:00.000-08:00

I love spinach, I add it to a lot of stuff, including my stuffed shells, it's my way of sneaking in a vegetable... its packed full of nutrients.

Yesterday we went to this place called 'Little Daddy's'. I LOVE the Tommy's salad, lettuce, tomatoes, celery, onions, beets, cukes, chicken, feta, dressing, dill. YUM! I asked if they could replace my lettuce with spinach, seriously, it was AWESOME!!!

look at all the benefits of spinach HERE.

Back on Track

2010-02-15T10:10:00.000-08:00

It was a bad week, and crazy leading up to it, however, today I am back on track. I seriously think I gained 6 pounds last week!! I didn't weigh in... so I am not sure!

Today I started out with my normal breakfast sandwich

Arnold Bread (1)
Veggie Cheese (1)
Spinach
Tomato
Morningstar Sausage patty (1)
Egg + Egg White (2)

My snacks (morning & afternoon) were planned, blueberries, tomatoes, string cheese

For lunch I had a hummus, tabouli, tomato on a whole wheat pita with garlic

I was supposed to go to Ruby Tuesday’s for dinner however, I looked to see what I could eat… NOTHING! That is probably one of the worst resturaunt if you’re trying to eat well… yikes, so I asked my friend if we could go to Little Daddy’s and I LOVE Tommy’s salad so we are having that instead!

It doesn’t matter what happened in the last two weeks, there may be consequences (on the scale & in my clothes but I am moving forward… and by the way, I LOVE my breakfast sandwich!

I made some yummy stuffed shells for dinner for this week. I wish I could find whole grain jumbo shells, but I filled the shells with ground turkey, zucchini, mushrooms, fresh spinach, garlic, covered it in spaghetti sauce (not in a jar but made with tomato paste & packet spaghetti) and sprinkled with parm cheese. I can’t wait to have them!

So… back on track with my eating which will help with my budget as well (eating more at home and less out).

Small Victories

2010-01-29T09:14:00.000-08:00

So I wanted grilled cheese, I wanted a tuna melt, I wanted...

I got... Subway. Turkey on whole wheat. Albeit I ate the foot long of turkey, but it was good and I am full. I hate being hungry.

5 points for 6", but i added cheese, 2 pts, and mayo another 1, so that means I hate 16 points for lunch, which kind of is high, but I'll behave for dinner, and I should be all good. And i said it was a small victory anyway, I looked on line, tuna melts are anywhere from 19-25 points, and I would have gotten chips or fries... so I think I did ok, I ate things that were good for me, loaded up on the veggies.

Tomorrow is weigh in, I relaly am not sure how i will do, but this I know... I made good choices all week.

Its a journey not a race.

not leaning on my addiction

2010-01-27T12:00:00.000-08:00

Today has been a rough day, and it certainly didn’t help that my mp3 player is at home on my desk and not in my ears… but oh well, that’s the way it goes sometimes.

It was lunch time, off to Panera. Panera is fresh, but not always healthy. If I had my complete choice, I would eat creamy tomato soup with Asiago Roast beef sandwich. Imagine my surprise the day when I found out Creamy Tomato Soup is 9 points, and the ARB sandwich is 8 points (for ½). Holy Cats! But you see, I am learning not to find comfort in food… Hello, I’ve got a butt to prove that does NOT work, besides my disposition is still the same after eating all that comfort food! So instead I chose the Garden Veggie with Pesto, VERY good, 3 points, a much better choice with a Fuji Apple Salad (6). I did eat the chips because they are both 3 points and I’d rather have chippies. OH, and did I mention, I’d love to wash it all down with an 11 point cranberry muffin, but I passed on the cranberry muffin.

So all in all, lunch was 12 points instead of 20 (or 31 if you count the muffin! HA!)

It’s a daily struggle, and the moment that I use food as an addiction is a day that I feel I lean more on satan and less on God. I feel that if I lean towards the addiction, I am binding myself up. I am saying that I am not a victor, especially if it something that I willingly do. It’s one thing to eat something thinking I’m doing well (like the tomato soup counting at 5 points when it’s really 9) but when I say “I want the soup, because I feel I deserve it after the day I’ve had (meaning I am justifying my sin) then I’m saying God, you’re not big enough to get me threw this, I need to deal with the root cause of my issues, not just try to cover them up with a bandaid (or a muffin).

I’m getting there. First step is identifying there is an issue, and then finding out where the issue comes from…

Getting back on track

2010-01-19T08:40:00.000-08:00

I don't know what happened to me in 2010 but I did ok that first week, it was our birthday weeks, the week of 4-9 I was up a little but not worried because overall I was down for the holidays... then the week of the retreat happened, I was stressed and tired and honestly just tried to do ok, i didn't weigh in because we were gone.

The weekend of the retreat I did HORRIBLE, OMW! Seriously, there were points when I thought 'why am i eating this?' and took another bite! OMW!!!

So then I'll get back on track Monday, I took a couple of my kids out to eat to Mexican... Yeah, ok, I ate so much I was FULL to the max only to stop at coldstone later and get a 'like it' WTH???

So it's Tuesday... and I am really back on track!

For breakfast I made my own breakfast sandwich...
egg +egg white (2)
morning star sausage patty (2)
spinach (0)
veggie cheese (1)
Arnold bread (1)

for snack celery and that powder peanut butter (1)

Lunch
Bean salad (which BTW is my FAVE!) (5)

afternoon snack
cherry tomatoes & string cheese (1)

I still have 16 left for dinner, which I love having a good dinner so as not to go to bed hungry or have a little left over for a popcorn snack :)

So there you have it, just like everyday with Jesus is a daily (sometimes minute) surrender so is handing over my old eating habits!

Today is a new day, and I only have one option... and that is to succeed!!!

Tracking

2010-01-07T07:12:00.001-08:00

Last year I tracked my weight on a website, I've been logging it this year, curious, I looked at where I was compared to last year's lowest weight...

I'm lower than any weight in 2009 :)

Honesty

2010-01-05T05:03:00.000-08:00

If I am going to be honest, I am so hurt. I am hurt because once again my dad has disappointed me, not just me, but this time it rolled right down to my daughter. I am amazed sometimes how I just keep going back for more.

it is no wonder I'm jacked up. I keep going back and being hurt.

And you know what I want to do? I want to eat something, I want to go to a fancy resturaunt and be treated like the princess I wish my dad would treat me like, heck, I'd settle for an hour of his time, but I guess in over two years, that might just be too much to ask for.

I have family that goes away for Phyllis's birthday and then they say "we'd really like to celebrate". Well, how about you don't go away the weekend of her birthday and chose a different one or how about you invite us? Oh, sorry, we don't care about you THAT much. And this is how I feel... "you've never been what we would have liked you to be, you're not what we'd like you to be, you suck, maybe we can fit you in, if not, sorry 'bout that".

That may not be how they feel but that's how I feel. Its often hard for me to keep all that in. It's hard not to word vomit, it's hard not to send nasty emails, it's hard. And it's hard not to find comfort in food. Ok, it's not. It's like a gushing wound, and the only thing that will, even if only temporarily, stop the bleeding is mashed potatoes.

So everyday this week (yes, I get that its only Tuesday) I have gotten on the treadmill in the morning, I have listened to sermons (teachings) on my way to work, I listen to them during the day, I am reading at night. Because in order to be healed, you need a Healer. if you go to a doctor for surgery, you go to a surgeon, well I need a healer, so I'm going to the greatest healer, Jesus, and so in order to be healed, I will fill myself up with good things, I will be nourished from His Word, His love.

This really isn't about food.

Matt 11:28-30 28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

"only" a pound a week

2010-01-02T15:07:00.001-08:00

This is for 2009, but you get the idea... if I lose a pound a week for the next year, I will be 3 lbs away from my overall goal!!

By Valentine's Day I'd be 7 lbs. lighter!

I’m loving it!

By St. Patrick's Day I'd be 11 lbs. lighter!

With the luck o'the Irish I'll make my goal.

By Easter I'd be 13 lbs. lighter!

I'd be a cuter bunny.

By Memorial Day I'd be 23 lbs. lighter!

What a memory that would make!

By Flag Day I'd be 25 lbs. lighter!

I’d wave my flag proudly then.

By Independence Day I'd be 27 lbs. lighter!

That's quite a declaration of independence from overeating!

By Labor Day I'd be 36 lbs. lighter!

What a wonderful reward for all my hard work.

By Columbus Day I'd be 41 lbs. lighter!

What a joy to discover what I can do.

By Halloween I'd be 44 lbs. lighter!

I would know I had more than a ghost of a chance.

By Thanksgiving I'd be 47 lbs. lighter!

I'd have so much to be thankful for.

By Christmas Eve I'd be 51 lbs. lighter!

Talk about being merry.

By New Year's Eve I'd be 52 lbs. lighter!

It's not just a new year, It's a new ME!

WOW! Still not defined!

2010-01-02T07:14:00.000-08:00

I went to weigh in today and I was down 3.8, total of 17 lost! WOW!! HAPPY JON WHALEY DANCE FOR ME!!

But I'm still not defined by a number! it's all for Jesus! I have motivation posted in my kitchen with scripture!

it's about taking care of myself in so many ways to take care of others, to bring Glory to Him!!!! Its about saying "I'm different, I'm happy inside and I don't need food for comfort, because I find comfort in Him"

but I am happy!! 17 pounds, if I lose 1 pound a week for the next year, I will be SO close to my goal. And it's totally attainable. It's about good choices. It's about loving myself! It's about being the creation that God created, it's about so much more than food!!

Happy New Year, may you find the Love deep down inside of you to inspire you to be all that God created you to be.

I will not be defined by a number

2010-01-01T07:13:00.000-08:00

That's easy to say after this week or so of eating like crap, but over all I've done "Ok". I'm down more than I was 3 months ago, so I'll call it a success!

This coming year, I will be a success no matter what the number on the scale says. I will not let myself be defined by a number.

I will be defined by love.

And as I open my eyes to the love and beauty God has for me, I will defined by the love He has for me.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”- 2 Corinthians 5:17

Happy 'Face the Music Day'

2009-12-26T15:12:00.000-08:00

So today's weight is official, I am up 2.6 from last Saturday!

You'd think I'd be in a bad mood, but really I'm not. I knew what to expect if I put junk in my mouth. Christmas Eve was bad!!

This morning I weighed in, and went to eat at my cousin's... what a breakfast we had!! YUMMMMM!!!

Then off to the mall with Corinne, Phyllis, Jhake, Becca, Malerie, & Jeff, we dropped them off and went to Ikea, and then to Twelve Oaks, crazy but fun!! I was going to get Sbarra but i knew it would be really bad...

Sbarro: Spinach/Tomato/Broccoli Stromboli Point 15
Zoup: Overstuffed bell pepper Points: 3
with Cali Veggie sand Points 7
Bread: Points 3

I saved two points but not just that, I KNOW it was a better choice, the food was so much better and healthier!

Today is Happy Face the Music Day

and tomorrow is

Happy Get back on track day!

Its all about God... His word never fails!

2009-12-24T09:58:00.001-08:00

Make good choices!!

Matthew 7:13-14 13"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

Drink your water!!

John 4:13-14 13Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

Strive!!

Phil 3:13-14 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Not gonna let it beat me!

2009-12-24T08:59:00.001-08:00

I weighed in today... +1.6 so that means my over all is STILL -14.2

Lets see...

Yesterday...
I went to lunch with Sarah Gunter, ate at Ruby Tuesdays... made bad choices.
Didn't drink all my water
Didn't take my vitamins
Had tons of bad choice foods at our Ninth Grade Girls Christmas Party
Didn't drink all my Stay Calm with magnesium

But today... even though it's a holiday, it's still a new day.

I made good choices at breakfast, drank water, changed what we are having for breakfast tomorrow... was going to be eggs and bacon, biscuits and gravy, now it's fruit (cantelope, grapes, blackberries, pineapple, bananas, frozen blueberries, apples), eggs with ham & veggie (onion, spinach, mushroom, green pepper) casserole, all of which we LOVE!!

I will not fail, I will succeed. With God, all things are possible!!

There is no need to beat myself up, in the last week, that is a lesson I am learning, don't beat yourself up because of the mistakes you've made, learn from them (wisdom!!) the world does enough of that beating me up, I'm not skinny enough, pretty enough, smart enough... but in Christ, He is enough and because He is in me, and I am in Him, I am enough!!

Going into the holidays...

2009-12-19T11:16:00.000-08:00

Here we go... I made 14 different kinds of cookies, I didn't eat one. Its funny though, I've heard everyone that over ate and all their belly aches, that makes me want to continue to eat well.

I'm down .6, so a total of -15.8!! not too shabby!

This is my plan...

Weighing in on Christmas Eve and going to the meeting.
Going to the meeting on Saturday morning to stay on track if I do well or get back on track if I don't for Christmas.

Repeat performance for New Year's Eve and the Saturday following... since its my b-day I will enjoy it!

clothes

2009-12-14T07:29:00.001-08:00

I’m still fat but I decided to buy myself some new clothes anyway.

I was looking in my closet and I hate my clothes, they are all stretched out, old, and for the longest time I said I wasn’t buying anything in ‘this’ size. I’m not down a whole size yet, but I’m not killing my clothes anymore either…

So I cleaned out my closet of the stuff that’s stretched out (mostly sweaters) and replaced it with one new cream sweater, one new red one, and a white shirt.

Even though I haven’t hit my second goal yet (20 lbs) that doesn’t mean I don’t want to look nice, so I decided that I would treat myself a little (I didn’t pay more than $12 for each of those items) and feel good about myself for Christmas.

I also added a picture from Friday, it’s only part of a picture but you can tell, I’m still hiding behind people, but I know I’ll get to a point where I won’t anymore.

And on a totally crazy note for me yesterday… I ate ice cream for dinner… which is bad, but I didn’t eat dinner (had a huge lunch!)… yeah, not good but not horrible either and I really wanted it!! It was so yummy!!!

Apple Cinnamon Oat Bran Muffins

2009-12-12T08:30:00.000-08:00

I made these muffins, yummy, good for you!!

1/2 c oat bran
1 c whole-wheat flour
1/4 c ground flaxseed
1 tsp baking soda
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp nutmeg
1 egg, beaten
4 Tbsp canola oil
1/3 c applesauce
1 shredded apple
1/4 c sugar
1/4 c chopped pecans

1. Preheat oven to 350°F.

2. In a large bowl, whisk together bran, flour, flaxseed, baking soda, baking powder, cinnamon, and nutmeg.

3. In a separate bowl, whisk together egg and oil until smooth. Stir in applesauce, shredded apple, and sugar. Combine mixtures and fold in pecans.

4. Spoon batter into paper-lined muffin cups. Bake for 22 to 25 minutes or until tops spring back when lightly touched. Cool the apple muffins a wire rack.

Makes 12. Per muffin: 147 cal, 9 g fat (1 g sat), 163 mg sodium, 18 g carbs, 3 g fiber, 3 g protein

YEAH!!!

2009-12-12T07:10:00.000-08:00

Today I lost another 1.6, making my total weight lost -15.2!! can I get whoo hooo!!!

I was thankful I made good choices yesterday (not saying I was good - because that means that I could be bad)!! I am thankful, this is great motivation for the holidays... wouldn't it be something if I could be down another 3 or 4 by my birthday.

I'd like to buy a size smaller pants so that when I go back to work, I can be like "hheeeyyyy" lol.

I've also realized that holiday craziness is making me crazy but there is no time for snacking at night!! I've got a bunch of Christmas shopping done, even bought myself a few things... you want to know something crazy? I wouldn't buy that much clothes at my old weight, but I've been buying things now and I'm still pretty much the same size, but my old stuff is all stretched out so I don't look good, and I want to look and feel good. Yesterday I wore a shirt I haven't worn in 2 years (wore it at my dad & stepmom's wedding). I felt kind of sassy in it... all sparklie!

anyway, that's it for now!! going to get some stuff done around here!!!

PRAISE GOD!!

first holiday party - survived

2009-12-11T10:41:00.000-08:00

We had our holiday luncheon at work, it was so nice! We had a ton of different food and most of it not good for you!

I did very well though, I had salad, and one piece of chicken and a small (very) piece of carrot cake!

I was even caught on film!!

That woman is a success

2009-12-10T19:26:00.000-08:00

This is in my bathroom, I read it everyday. I want to remember that I'm a success...

That Woman is a Success . . .

who loves life
and lives it to the fullest;

who has discovered and shared
the strengths and talents
that are uniquely her own;

who puts her best into each task
and leaves each situation
better than she found it;

who seeks and finds
that which is beautiful
in all people and all things;

whose heart is full of love
and warm with compassion;

who has found joy in living
and peace within herself.

~ Barbara J. Burrow ~

Snack Time!!

2009-12-10T11:44:00.000-08:00

I love Nature’s Sweet cherry tomatoes. They are a little pricey but SOOO yummy, and I decided that I can’t put a price on my health! If you buy the normal grape tomatoes they are often 2 for $4, but these are $2.99 for a bag. One of my favorite snacks is half a bag of them and a 1 pt string cheese!! I know that some people would rather have a cookie, but no thanks, that makes me feel yucky and mad at myself. The little cherry tomatoes BURST in my mouth with flavor, I don’t even need salt. YUM!!

And the cherub ones… heaven sent for surely!!

staying on track

2009-12-08T13:24:00.001-08:00

It’s been a tough week, and it’s only Tuesday, I’m not struggling with eating well, I’m struggling with doing what I’m supposed to do… eat regularly (every 2 – 2 ½ hours), drink my water (160oz).

I think a lot of it is that I’m tired. I had a busy weekend taking care of everyone else’s needs and wants and forgot about me. Let’s just call a spade a spade, Ok?

It’s not that I’ve done horribly, I am following program, just got to follow it a little better. Keep things going, so tonight, I WILL take the time for me. I will stop at the fruit market and get what I need and meet the needs to my family (Phyllis) so that we will be healthy.

tired...

2009-12-04T18:27:00.000-08:00

I am making food for a wonderful Pastor who is moving... I was going to make sloppy joes, but I decided on spaghetti (mostacolli) and rolls, fruit tray (it was half off at Kroger), and some veggies.

Getting that together tonight and I want to make these new recipes I got for muffins, I don't even eat muffins, except for that really bad for you one at Panera, cranberry orange... but these will be good for the Dorbands, Phyllis, and others!!

The last French toast casserole is coming out of the oven in 10 minutes, then it's off to drop off food at Night of Desperation at First Pres in Trenton. I made them some good stuff, oranges, veggies, and still chips and pretzels... Made Phyllis a little care package of rice cakes, pineapple, cantelope, ritz bitz with PB, and grapes!

So that's it... tired but happy!!

Choices

2009-12-04T06:43:00.000-08:00

Today I stopped at Panera for my lunch because I was going in late. I am always trying to find healthier ways to eat. I opted for the smoked turkey breast, no mayo, no onions (because they’d be really stinky by the time I ate them), on whole grain (instead of country). I picked up 2 pouches of the low-fat mayo because I really love mayo, they are 10 calories each with .5g fat instead of 90 calories (per Tbsp – but I know they don’t measure and I am SURE it’s more than a TBSP of mayo on there!) with 10g fat. That’s ZERO points compared to (maybe) 3!! And I love their chips, so because of this swap, I could have the regular chips!! That’s a treat – I love chips!

This week I changed up my sandwich and saved myself some time…

On Tuesday night I scrambled 3 eggs and 3 egg whites (7 total pts) with 1 ginormous package of fresh spinach - steamed (0 points) I divided that by 3 (so that’s 2.33 points per day – I round down to 2). Had it on an Arnold bread (1 pt), fresh sliced tomato, 1 slice of ham (1), ½ oz of gouda cheese (1).

It was very yummy!!

I’ve had salad every day this week, with lots of healthy yummy good stuff in it! I stepped on the scale, down 3 pounds, but I only count it if I hit that for Saturday’s weigh in. So we will see.

I feel like I am doing well, making good choices, since I started the sticker reward, the only 3 days I didn’t get the sticker was Friday and Saturday and Sunday of this weekend. I’ve been doing it for about a month, so that’s good.

I’ve been working through a bunch of stuff with God, to be reminded this morning in my food journal – Matthew 7:7 Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you

Thank You Jesus for being with me during this journey, thank You for being my strength to start on the way to be a better me so I can be a better me for You!! Your grace overwhelms me!

I only plan for success!

2009-12-02T09:18:00.000-08:00

I went to a resturaunt in Southfield, so good! I looked at the menu and chose a Spinach Salad with Chicken.... can you say YUM!! You know what's crazy?! Guess how much dressing they gave me? 1 four oz cup and 1 2 oz cup... Are you kidding? when I said that I didn't need all that the guy looked at me like I had 3 heads (That's one of my favorite sayings). And I passed on the big butter ladened piece of bread (the size of 3 of my hands!).

I could have taken it all, and I might have even eaten the dressing (yes, i love salad with my dressing... lol) but I plan for success. Don't take it. I planned on being successful today, I plan on being successful when I hit that scale on Saturday and if the poundage isn't as I'd like, I know that I did what I could to affect it.

Yesterday I was in the hospital with my stepmom while my dad had surgery. I didn't plan well and didn't bring a lunch, and I HATE hospital food. However Oakwood Hospital's salad bar is FABULOUS!!! OH SO GOOD! Even made passing the pizza up, ok! Seriously!! It's also easy when my step mom is around because she is always cheering me on, she knows, first hand, how hard it is to lose weight, and she works at WW and cheers me on all the time, even when I don't do well!

I know that I'm just starting on this change of the way I eat and think, but a journey starts with a single step, and i think the closer to the finish line you get (I'm a long way from it) it can be either easier (because the end is in sight) or harder (because sometimes we can slack a little). But so far, I'm staying on track, I'd love to lose another 3 (at least) by Christmas but really 8 would be sweet but I think a little nutty to think I could attain!!!

Planning takes time and effort, and totally worth it!!

100 ways to cut calories

2009-12-02T09:16:00.000-08:00

This not from me, but from Women's Health!!

Ways to Cut 100 Calories From Women’s Health Email

At Breakfast
• Ditch the Pop-Tart for a slice of high-fiber toast with strawberry jam.
• Gotta have carbs? Split a bagel with a coworker.
• Drink your two cups of joe black. Or order a single espresso instead of your usual latte.
• Swap OJ for the real deal—one fresh orange.
• Trade a side of regular sausage for turkey.
• Top your waffles with Reddi-Whip instead of syrup (or use sugar-free).
• Skip the whip on any Caribou Coffee 16-ounce drink.
• Eat your granola from a 4-ounce mug, not an 8-ounce bowl.
• Lose the Yoplait Thick & Creamy and have a Yoplait Fiber 1.
• Order pancakes, but hold the butter.
• Scramble together 4 egg whites instead of 2 whole eggs.

At Lunch
• Leave the Swiss cheese out of your sandwich.
• Slather your bread with mustard rather than mayo and save 80 calories per tablespoon.
• Pass up croutons at the salad bar.
• Use up to 10 pumps of ranch dressing spray instead of pouring 2 tablespoons from a bottle.
• Devour a slice of Pizza Hut cheese pan pizza instead of the meat lover's variety.
• Take your iced tea unsweetened.
• Reach for a Snapple raspberry white tea instead of a Snapple raspberry iced tea.
• Stuff chicken salad into a whole-wheat pita instead of between slices of multigrain bread.
• Make your burger turkey, not beef.
• Slurp minestrone soup instead of cream of anything.
• Go bunless—shed your hamburger roll.
• Use south-of-the-border savvy: Have a quesadilla made with two 6-inch corn, not flour, tortillas.

At Happy Hour
Nurse a single glass of wine instead of downing 2 beers.
• Ask for your rum and cokes in a highball glass. Bartenders pour an average of 20 percent less liquid into taller tumblers, so you'll swig less per round.
• Drizzle extra hot sauce, not blue cheese or ranch dressing, on your wings.
• Ordering a cocktail? Make it on the rocks instead of frozen. Slushy fruit drinks tend to be made with bottled mixers that contain added sugar and syrups.
• Blending your own? Have a daiquiri, not a piña colada.
• Pop the cap off of an MGD 64 instead of a bottle of Killian's Irish Red.
• Sip a glass of water between drinks—pacing yourself can help you cut back by a glass or more.
• Dip your nachos in salsa rather than guacamole.
• For automatic portion control, sip wine from a Champagne flute, not an oversize goblet.

On Your Snack Break
Drink sparkling water instead of soda.
• Move your stash of Hershey's Kisses at least 6 feet away from your desk—you'll dip in half as often.
• Drain the heavy syrup from your can of fruit cocktail and then rinse the fruit with water before digging in.
• Have 1/2 cup of fresh grapes instead of that little snack box of raisins.
• Lay off the Lay's Classic potato chips and have a handful of Rold Gold pretzels.
• Munch on a bag of Orville Redenbacher's Smart Pop Kettle Korn, not Movie Theater Butter.
• Chase down the ice-cream truck for a Good Humor vanilla sandwich, not a King Cone.

During Dessert
Stop eating when you hit the crust. The edges and bottoms of baked goods are especially caloric because they absorb the butter used to grease the pan.
• Fill your bowl with sorbet instead of ice cream—you can have an extra 1/2 cup of the former and still slash calories.
• Next time a cocoa craving hits, ditch the dish of chocolate ice cream (about 3/4 cup) for a Fudgsicle.
• Have sugar-free Jell-O instead of pudding. Better your nighttime treat jiggle than your thighs.
• Go ahead and have that piece of birthday cake—just scrape off the chocolate frosting first.
• Eat 5 meringue cookies instead of 2 chocolate chip ones.
• Pass on the à la mode and savor that brownie au naturel.
• Can the cone. Have your ice cream in a bowl.
• Top your dessert with 1/2 cup of fresh berries instead of 2 tablespoons of chocolate syrup.

In the Kitchen
Substitute nonfat Greek yogurt for a serving of sour cream.
• Use chicken broth (low-sodium is best) instead of oil to sauté meat and veggies.
• Making homemade mac 'n cheese? Cut 2 tablespoons of butter from the recipe.
• Replace the oil or butter in cakes with Sunsweet Lighter Bake prune-and-apple mixture or any brand of unsweetened applesauce.
• Next time you make meatballs, meatloaf, or burgers, go half-and-half with ground beef and turkey.
• When preparing packaged foods that call for butter or oil, like rice and stuffing, use a broth instead.
• Swap low-fat cottage cheese for whole-milk ricotta when you make lasagna or stuffed shells.

At the Drive thru
Pass up a Wendy's baked potato with sour cream and chives and chow down on value fries instead.
Amazing but true.
• Have a McDonald's cheeseburger instead of a Quarter Pounder with cheese.
• Downsize your drink: Trade a large fountain soda (with ice) for a medium.
• Go for grill marks. Order a flame-broiled chicken sandwich rather than one that's breaded (and usually fried in oil).
• Treat yourself to an ice-cream cone at McDonald's instead of Dairy Queen.
• Crunch on one Taco Bell regular taco instead of a Ranchero Chicken Soft Taco. And all the hot sauce you want.
• Slurp a cup of Panera Bread's low-fat chicken noodle soup instead of the cream of chicken with wild rice.
• Make your daily pick-me-up at Starbucks a skinny vanilla latte, not a regular.

When you’re not cooking
Request the lemon chicken with white rice, not fried.
• Skip the crunchy noodles with your bowl of wonton soup.
• Ask for an order of Szechuan Shrimp instead of your usual General Tso's.
• Choose the pasta with 1/2 cup of marinara instead of 1/2 cup of Alfredo sauce.
• Indulge your inner carnivore with beef stroganoff, not meat lasagna.
• Go with the baked potato (butter only), not the mashed, as your side of choice.
• Dip your dinner roll in marinara sauce instead of olive oil.
• Avoid anything breaded. Flour and bread crumbs not only add calories but also absorb more cooking oil.

So Dumb!

2009-11-26T12:26:00.000-08:00

For most of my life I feel like I'm a disappointment. Pregnant by a druggie, overweight for most of my life, it took me until I was 33 to get my bachelor's degree.

I want to be inspiring! Not for what I've done but for succeeding after never giving up!

Today is Thanksgiving! Halloween was easy because I could usually careless about eating candy, but this is the first holiday with my new outlook.

I started my day with my normal breakfast sandwich, Arnold bread, 1 egg+ eggwhite, cheese, ham, spinach, tomato. YUM! For lunch, chicken kabob, black bean salad, and asparagus, so much I couldn't finish, but it was only 6 points, so I have 19 points left for dinner. I've already decided what of my favorites I am going to eat, with a few 'spare' points just in case.

Today is no different from any other day, it's another day to succeed!

That's right... I am God's Masterpiece!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Eph 2:10)

Food Choices

2009-11-24T05:14:00.000-08:00

I have always been about ‘sneaking in a vegetable’. I’ve actually shredded zucchini and mixed it in the spaghetti sauce until it dissolved. I’ve added a package of spinach here and there, so I am not sure why it didn’t occur to me to put a tomato on my breakfast sandwich until I read an article in Women’s Health magazine about breakfast and some yummy things you could eat at breakfast. Today, I even added a handful of spinach!

I’m not about fake food, I hate fat free anything, I can taste the chemicals or food with fake sugar! GROSS!!

That being said, I will substitute apple sauce for oil or try to cook with a little less oil or butter, make cupcakes with punkin instead of eggs and oil. Whole wheat instead of white flour, I do what I can, where I can.

My sandwich today… tre manifique! It’s all about small choices. It’s like saving a dollar everyday, it doesn’t seem like much but at the end of the year it’s an extra $365!

“Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice: It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.” ~ William Jennings Bryan

Change your way of thinking and you'll change your life!

2009-11-23T10:46:00.001-08:00

My mind is a dark and scary place. But would you like to know where my ‘head’ is at?

I am only 2 pounds less than my lightest weight this year.

I am 10 pounds more than I weighed close to about 2 years ago.

That really doesn’t sound all that great does it…

BUT!!!

But somehow I feel so good! It’s not just about the losing weight, however, that is quite a bonus! Its about no more garbage in/garbage out. It’s about reducing my chances of cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and fillintheblank disease Deut 5:17.

Its about being confident in my choices for me, and my family.

Its about knowing that I am a conqueror Romans 8:37! That food is a necessity but being fat is not. Its about leaning on the Lord, about finding comfort in Him, about finding out who I am, and what I really like. (Did you know I really don’t know if I like a lot of things because I’ve been too afraid to try). It’s about setting goals and surpassing them! It’s about making hard choices (like the fact that I am bringing healthy food with me to Thanksgiving, and truly hoping I won’t offend anyone).

It’s about slowing down and shutting up Psalm 46:10

It’s about knowing that I may have tried this a million times, but this time I not only say I am going to succeed, but that I will because I BELIEVE IN ME! (and when I forget that I believe in me, I always BELIEVE GOD John 6:69! And He says I am wonderfully made – and so much more! Psalm 139:14)

It means that I do believe that in Christ, I am a new creation 2 Cor 5:17, and all those times I’ve failed, they are cast on the ocean floor, and some gross sea-urchin can eat them J

So that’s where I am, overweight but confident that I am an overcomer, that I am who God says I am!

I show love in food

2009-11-23T03:20:00.001-08:00

Its bad enough that I find comfort in food, but I give love in food too!

It's a good thing in some ways, no one has to eat something they don't like or if they are a veggie-eater, I always make sure they are taken care of or if there is something that makes their belly hurt, I try to accomodate.

Today is ice cream cake for ANs b-day, and for FO... we are having vanilla ice cream cake because he's allergic to chocolate (his has caramel).

When I talk to people about WW, they talk about how its so hard. I really don't find that it's hard because eating foods that agree with us, that are good stuff in, means good stuff out, I've had more energy than I've had in a long time! I'm looking forward to a future of doing a lot of things I wouldn't normally do!

A Holiday Week

2009-11-22T12:21:00.000-08:00

Trying to figure out how I am going to weigh in this week. I might be able to weigh in on Saturday in Pontiac. I know that I'll have a good week if I put my mind and heart to it.

I've made my barley and spinach for the week's lunch. I will saute some mushrooms, onions, and garlic, add the barley and have the spinach with it. YUM! I stuffed my green peppers with it this week, and it was a hit in our house! I can't tell you how thankful I am to have the support of Phyllis in this because it's hard enough, I couldn't imagine if I had a child that turned her nose up at spinach, instead she choses it!!

Thursday is Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for having a good start on the Holidays, it will help me to stay motivated and not make poor choices or make the choice of eating too much of something. Our leader on Saturday read a quote that said... if you want a little behind, you've got to leave a little behind. Looking back at pictures today of just 6 years ago, and a little behind, I'm looking forward to a healthy lifestyle.

I might even bring spinach on Thursday so that it will help me stay on track (I REALLY! love spinach!)

So this week it was -2 for an overall weightloss of 12.2!!

New York

2009-11-20T06:24:00.001-08:00

I have no idea if really anyone reads this blog... but it's really about me and my journey with my heart and my butt, hopefully my hearts gets bigger with love and my butt gets smaller. But hopefully my journey somehow inspires others to be real and to overcome their pain with the only One who can heal us, Christ.

Been thinking about my goals... why don't I have a reward when I hit goal? You'd think that I'd be excited to reward myself with whatever I want (non-food related). It’s not that easy, sometimes I just think I don’t even know what I like to do other than youth, eat, cook, or scrapbook. What a bore!

But I was listening to Billy Joel’s New York State of Mind and you know what I decided? I want to go to New York. I want to be able to shop and buy cute clothes, I want a snazzy coat to tool around in New York in with cute boots and cute jeans and sight see and just enjoy the sites with… Phyllis. How fun will that be? I’ve always wanted to go there, and I love experiencing things with Phyllis and so that’s my 70 lb goal!!

It might take a year or more, but a journey begins with a single step.

staying calm

2009-11-19T10:33:00.000-08:00

Today’s scripture in my journal…

Love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other. Psalms 85:10

I’m struggling. Not with food, food is easy to control. I’ve got about a gallon’s worth of tears built up ready to go.

God is faithful.

He will not leave me. Even when I’d like to walk away.

I’m tired. Not of eating healthy, because I feel better.

God’s love and His faithfulness are holding me together.

I just pray that soon, His peace will kiss my forehead. You know that you really know that someone loves you when they kiss your forehead. His peace, that’s what I need.

Until then, my insides are ocean waves, crashing in the sea.

Afraid...

2009-11-18T03:03:00.000-08:00

Its dumb to be afraid of a scale. But I know that I can do everything right and still not lose weight. I know that it's 'slow and steady' wins the race, HELLO! I love turtles, remember?

I know to eat things that if it grows in the ground or it has a mama (no processed foods), I know to eat small meals, get in my veggies, eat protein with each snack.

I also know that I'm not doing this by myself. I have supportive friends, but mostly I've chosen to lean on the Lord to conquer this! Last week was horrible, and I've said it - For the first time in my life I chose to God instead of food for comfort. It says in Romans 8:37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us, and I know THAT'S me! I'm an overcomer!! But I also know that on my own, I'm weak, I look to God for strength, it says in Isaiah 40:31 that we must hope in the Lord, that we won't grow weary and that He will keep us going (really, you can look it up yourself) and I'm tired. It also says in James 1 that when we face a trial, that we must keep going we must go to God, He will give us wisdom (you can look that one up too).

And then so tell me, why am I focusing on the past and all the times I didn't succeed. I don't want this to be another weightloss, I want this to be a VICTORY! I said when I started this that I wanted the world to look at me and know I'm different that I could overcome this battle with food, but not all by myself. How can you say you trust God for all things but in some things, you just decide to do it on your own (and fail!)?

I need to keep out of my own way, to continue to let God work in me, and yes focus on eating what's right, and getting healthy, but I need to remember that this battle did not start in my mouth, it started in my heart.

Romans 5:5. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. 6You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.

Trouble

2009-11-17T02:44:00.000-08:00

I don't know if trouble is the word... but I know it's there.

Being lonely is a big trigger for eating. I often ate alone on the couch watching TV, which is part of the reason I stopped watching General Hospital. That and unrealistic expectations of relationships (seriously, don't cause yourself to stumble in anyway, it's just dumb).

I have a lot of people around me, however, I often feel lonely. I sometimes feel like I have friends and they are real friends, I just don't feel like they are real. They have pretty Christian smiles and they're trying so hard to be positive, they forget to be real. I'm not saying that positive is bad, I'm just saying I don't always believe in fake it till you make it.

Yesterday I went out to eat, made the right choices on the menu but the food wasn't good (note to you... Hula Bowl at Max and Erma's... yuck! I think it was the dressing because the salad part looked good!). Then I wanted to eat something that was. Thankfully I controlled myself because I always say that risk has consequences. And the risk of the french fries has a consequence of a lower (or none at all) weight loss number this week. NO THANK YOU!

My heart is kind of achy... not a good thing when you find comfort in food, but a really good opportunity to reach out to God. To find comfort in Him, which is where I need to go, and I know it.

I've done well so far... 10.2 lbs, jumped over some pretty big hurdles this week. But sometimes when you're standing at the bottom of the mountain and you're looking up and you're only 1/7 of the way there, it almost looks impossible. I know that I have to take one day at a time, one step at a time, but it certainly looks like a long journey! I know, yes, I know, it's worth the view!

Isaiah 52:7 How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, "Your God reigns!"

It's Monday EVERYBODY!!

2009-11-16T06:37:00.000-08:00

I made this mushroom barley stuffing yesterday! Very good! I could have made half the amount, but what was I thinking… it said serves 8, at one cup each, that makes 8 cups… duh!!

I am having it today for lunch, with sauted spinach, and 3 oz of grilled chicken breast! YUM!! I feel so good when I eat well, sleep better, more energy, and good pooping! Lol!

It’s a new week, keeping my eyes focused on God for whatever comes at me this week.

Got the menu kind of planned out this week, making stuffed peppers tonight for the crockpot, going to use barley in place of rice (it really is SO good and so good for you!!). Gonna add some black beans with my turkey meat and some portabella mushrooms, and use Rotel tomatoes & tomato sauce instead of tomato soup. Trying some new things, I am so thankful that Phyllis is open to eating whatever I put in front of her… just thought of something… what if I stuffed the green peppers with the leftover stuffing and just added a little ground turkey and black beans? Mmmmm…. No that’s what I’m talking about!

Goals...

2009-11-15T12:20:00.000-08:00

You've got have goals. Rewards for a job well done. I didn't have a ten pound goal but I bought myself a shirt (it cost $10!!!) I had a twenty and a fifty pound goal established but I think I'll buy myself a new shirt at every ten pounds lost. And at each goal, I'm talking my picture! All rewards must be non-food related

10 lbs - a shirt
20 lbs - Highlights for my hair
30 lbs - new underwear!!
40 lbs - ?
50 lbs - I am Metro video
60 lbs - ?
70 lbs - ?

Gal 3:3 Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?

-2.4

2009-11-14T16:21:00.000-08:00

2.4 will have great signifigance.

It was the poundage I lost today but more importantly it represents a week of not turning to food when I felt sad and mad, instead I turned to God in my despair for the first time in my life.

Might not seem like much to anyone but me, but it's huge in my life.

I've said, my issue isn't with food... it's in my mind.

-2.4/10.2 :)

It's all about choices!

2009-11-09T12:53:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had in my head that I could have whatever I want... and the funny thing, is that I keep making good choices.

I pulled into Wendy's was thinking 'whatever I want it's my cheat day' and... I drove right through and got Subway! I picked tuna because that's my favorite... I chose spinach instead of lettuce and apples instead of chips (sickening aren't I?) I bought a 12 inch but only ate 6 (I gave the other half to Katie and she loved it too!) because I was full! HOW 'BOUT THAT??????

I stayed totally within range, for the day I only went over by 5! And I totally had extra points so I was good.

I felt good because I wasn't weighed down by food that's not good for me, I felt good because I made choices without regret.

Our weight watcher's leader suggested that everyday we stay on track so that even if we don't have a big weight loss... I found some great mickey mouse stickers that I bought a long time ago! So I busted them out and I got 'way to gos' two days in a row!

Be encouraging, be encouraged

2009-11-05T06:02:00.000-08:00

1 Thes 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing

So I’ve lost a ton of eight before, I mean equvilent to the a small backstreet boy… seriously. However, I haven’t kept it off. I’ve done Low-Carb, WW. This time, I’m doing it with the support of my girlfriends and really with the strength of Christ, I am getting HEALTHY not just losing weight, and my tool is Weight Watchers.

Yesterday I was discussing it with someone who decided that they were going to ring in on what I was doing and how it was all WRONG! Really? Ok, fatty…. Why don’t you give me advice on how to lose weight… oh that’s right, you haven’t. You’ve got all the book smarts… however, you’re hands on only refers to your hands on a fork. I mean, I know I sound like a jerk, but seriously, I don’t want to hear people and their discouraging words.

Our lives are filled with negativity. Whether we think we can or we think we can’t, we are probably right (Henry Ford) and so I truly believe that success is the only answer to the question.

I find it a little funny that yesterday’s scripture in my food journal was Proverbs 3:5!

Trust in the LORD with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.

I am trusting that when I get tired, He will give me strength, that He will guide me, and how blessed I am that God has surrounded me with very encouraging friends for this journey!

Proverbs 3:1-6 (NLT)
1 My child, never forget the things I have taught you.
Store my commands in your heart.
2 If you do this, you will live many years,
and your life will be satisfying.
3 Never let loyalty and kindness leave you!
Tie them around your neck as a reminder.
Write them deep within your heart.
4 Then you will find favor with both God and people,
and you will earn a good reputation.
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
6 Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take

David Viscott: "You must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be."

What are we doing???

2009-11-04T08:43:00.001-08:00

Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork. ~English Proverb

I cannot believe how many people struggle with Halloween candy. I can believe it, but I don't want to. And let me tell you, I'm not perfect... but I'm learning what makes me succeed and what makes me fail. I do not want to put up my own roadblocks.

You know how I keep away from such cravings?

First, I say no. I could say I start and stop at one piece but I will tell you, once off the wagon, the sugar cravings just keep going and going like the energizer bunny.

Second, I buy candy I don't like. I get a limited amount of points and I intend not to waste them on things I don't like. And even if I bought my favorite... nothing tastes as good as thin feels.

When Phyllis was younger she got 10 pieces, the rest was donated to a soup kitchen. If it's out of the house, neither of us are tempted.

I'm learning that the better I eat, the better I feel and why would I want to change that?

Today's scripture: Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 NLT

Its not Impossible!

2009-11-03T06:48:00.000-08:00

Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.

I was thinking about Thanksgiving already!! I am constantly thinking about what barriers will prevent me from achieving my goals… I was thinking about how hard it's going to be to eat and still lose weight. But really, its not impossible, remember, we can bring good choice food so that we can continue on the right path, a path of being healthy!!

I ate a 4 point pizza yesterday and it was SO good from Lona's pizza in Dearborn Heights, so good but I think my body was like "what's with all this cheese in one sitting". I have had a belly ache since I ate it. I think my body will tell me when I've made a bad choice, it's already used to eating good!!

I am going to do well, I am going to achieve my goals, and I will be a part of it, instead of passively letting things affect me and wondering what happened! Remember, we can choose what we bring to these meals (and what goes into them – don’t we want our families to be healthy too?) and we choose what goes on our plates! We can choose to go on a quick walk before or after dessert instead of sitting in front of the TV (and have good chatting while breathing in good air!) talk about the blessings of the past year with your family!

St. Francis said “Start by doing what is necessary, then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible."

So I am going start by making good choices because that is what is necessary, and then I’ll be eating well, maybe a few ‘cheats’ and then I’ll be achieving the impossible. And I will be praying that God puts His hands over my mouth so I don’t make too many bad choices…

Matthew 19:26 Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

Choices

2009-11-02T06:30:00.000-08:00

Going out… again with the preparation!

I am going out to dinner tonight, probably to Max and Erma’s. I thought I was doing “OK” by choosing a salad at Chili’s only to find out it was about 18 points! Yikes. I get quite a bit of points, however, I can’t waste them. I allow myself a little leeway on the weekends, but really not that much, I am just starting, and I really want to make good choices and make them stick! If I start slacking early, I won’t have good long-term results.

This is so much about long term solutions to long term issues.

I went to the Max and Erma’s website, checked out Dotti’s weightloss zone and decided on one of two things, and I’ll decide when I get there, and I won’t even open the menu. It’s either the Hula Salad or Black Bean Burger with a baby greens side salad. That’s my choices.

I will be honest, I would love for 2.8 this week! That would make it ten pounds in two weeks, a very good start. But I don’t know if that’s all that realistic, but I’m hopeful and if it’s 1 pound, that’s good too!

Packed my lunch today, ate a good breakfast, snacks ready for chomping! First 32 oz water down! 128 to go!

STRIVE FOR YOUR BEST TODAY! And don’t stop striving!!

HAPPY MONDAY!!

Today's scripture in my journal:

Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. (NIV)

Matthew 7:7 “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. (NLT)

You've got to prepare

2009-11-01T11:24:00.000-08:00

You don't just one day get a good job cuz you're lucky.

(usually) you get a good job because you've prepared. You go to college or you work hard.

Eating right and losing weight is no difference.

You want a good result, you prepare.

Pictured here is my snacks for the week.

Babybel cheese (1 pt each) one for morning snack one for afternoon

Celery cut up, washed and bagged for easy packing

Cherry tomatoes washed and bagged

God has great plans for you, be prepared for all He has in store for you!!!
“I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints,”- Ephesians 1:18

Water!!

2009-10-31T12:10:00.000-07:00

I lost 7.2 pounds this week, and I hope i never find it EVER again!

The leader today told us that if you drink the daily amount of water (8 - 8oz glasses) you reduce your risk of Breast Cancer by 72%!!!!! Can you believe that?

My goal for water is 160 oz (I almost always exceed it!)... that does not include any other beverage I drink... and I drink 32oz of iced tea first thing in the morning! I can see my little fat cells riding out my pee screaming 'weeeee' as they leave and flushed down the toilet!

Read more about the benefits of drinking water...

Here

and here

I think i should get exercise points for getting up and going to the bathroom...

I believe that water is the only drink for a wise man. ~Henry David Thoreau

Today's Scripture in my journal:

...fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right... Phil 4:8 (NLT)

This week!!

2009-10-31T08:28:00.000-07:00

-7.2!!!

I gotta great post! but I'm going out with Phyllis!

Breakfast...

2009-10-30T05:43:00.000-07:00

I love eggs and it's a good thing...

I used to eat...

2 pieces rye toast (estimated 4 points)
butter (estimated 3 points)
scrambled eggs (5 points)

Total: 12 points (that's roughly 600 calories)

Now:

Two pieces rye toast (2 points)
1 egg (2)
2 egg white (1)
pat of butter (1)
low fat cheese (1)

Total: 7 points (350 calories)

Journaling

2009-10-29T06:03:00.000-07:00

I have a new journal for all my food logging. The one they gave me at WW wasn’t big enough to log all the food I eat, HA! I do eat a lot of veggies and a lot of 1 or 2 point food snacks. Yes, I write down EVERYTHING!! And I have a label at the top that says water goal: 160 oz with 5 flowers (5 – 32oz glasses each day!)

This journal on the front says “The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day” Proverbs 4:18

It was something I found that I thought would work and every other page has a scripture, reminding me that I am not on this journey alone, because God is in the details, He loves us, and it reminds me that I am with a few friends on this journey to encourage each other.

The first one… Eph 2:10… I am God’s masterpiece. I am wonderfully made. He is with me.

The one I turned to last night… Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. NLT

The title of this blog is that it’s not about the food. It’s not. It’s about the struggle I’ve had, having people say to me “you’ll always be fat” the loathing, the stress-eating, the addiction to eating when I’ve said “I can’t stop” or that I look in the mirror and I hate what I see. I remember that letter that was written to me that said “sometimes you stand in front of me and I don’t like the person I see” and that came from someone who is supposed to love me the most. And sometimes I look in the mirror and I don’t like the person I am, because I know where I’ve been in my heart and what my body looked like before. God is exposing my innermost thoughts and desires and he has given me those desires, they are good, and I can’t wait to see how He fulfills them.

Gluttony is an emotional escape, a sign something is eating us. ~Peter De VriesYou Said a Mouthful, Ronald D. Fuchs, ed.

Qdoba

2009-10-28T08:36:00.001-07:00

I love Qdoba... fresh ingredients, so yummy!

So now I plan everything I eat. Oui! How boring! I like the smakin' my lips together I think I feel like _____ for breakfast/lunch/dinner.

No wonder I'm fat.

So I decided that I had a coupon for Qdoba. SO GOOD and I'd use it. Until I did the nutritional info on it. They have an interactive guide so you can pick what you want to eat, how many calories, etc. OH MY WORD!!!

Can't eat it unless I know I'll be exercising!

It's really no wonder I'm fat. I thought I was doing well when I ate that, I knew it was a lot but it was filling and fresh... and I always ate it naked.

NAKED??? Just so you know... From their website:
First of all, you could go Naked. Our Naked Burritos® and Naked Taco Salads™ contain all of the delicious ingredients in our burritos and taco salads — just without the tortilla or tortilla bowl. By simply ordering a Naked meal, you've cut 330 calories and 54 grams of carbs.

So now Qdoba yet... or I'll eat it on a Saturday... AFTER I weigh in.

Brain cells come, and brain cells go, but fat cells live FOREVER!! ~Unknown

Today...
breakfast
1 egg + 2 egg whites
pat of butter
2 pieces of rye toast
1 slice low fat provolone cheese
celery with babybel cheese (snack)
Lunch
half ham sandwich
2 oz ham
1 piece rye bread
1 slice low fat provolone cheese
lettuce
mustard (oh mayo... how I love you!)
salad
lettuce
tomato
chic peas
beats
homemade balsamic salad dressing
string cheese & tomato (snack)
Popcorn (snack if I want)
Dinner?? not sure yet probably a veggie with feta omelet because I have the points!

And... I'm not going to write out my food to you everyday, if you want to hold me accountable, I can show you my book :)

Oh... and I love Qdoba... Oh Qdoba... Mi Amor!

Planning

2009-10-27T05:47:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I was hungry most of the day…

Too scared to use my points to early and then be hungry at night… what a mess!

Its hard because I don’t like oatmeal, I normally eat scrambled eggs and toast (with lots of butter) for breakfast. You gotta change the way you think, and you’ve got to cut calories and fat where you can. So this morning I had two pieces of whole wheat toast with 2 fried eggs in a small pat of butter.

I’ve got a turkey sandwich packed for lunch with a salad that consists of lettuce, grape tomatoes, beets, chic peas, cukes, and homemade balsamic vinegarette dressing. Celery sticks with a light babybel cheese, sting cheese.

I don’t want to be hungry today.

I don’t want my day to consist of thinking about how hard this is, it’s about GOOD choices. Its about a way of life, it’s about eating real food, not a bunch of processed crap. It’s about not letting my circumstances affect the way I think about things, about how being hurt does not justify going to the vending machine and eating cheezits.

I am a planner. I know that in planning it makes things easier. We plan our time, we plan a lot of things, and that includes what we eat.

Today’s dinner: Turkey Mignon’s (from Aldi’s) with brown rice with carrots/celery and broccoli

The one way to get thin is to re-establish a purpose in life. ~Cyril Connolly, The Unquiet Grave

It's a journey

2009-10-26T15:32:00.001-07:00

I've made so many bad choices in my eating that they have become habits.

today was my first day in my regular routine that I had to follow the new plan. It was hard. When you feel restricted, you're afraid you'll go over your points, and it stinks! I was hungry most of the day and I had a headache because I didn't drink my iced tea in the morning.

Hungry and a headache. What a horrible combination.

I have to continue to remind myself... eat to live not live to eat.

I hate that I weigh so much
I hate that I can't move around like I did
I hate the way my clothes fit
I hate the way I look

It's a journey. A journey begins with a single step.

Here I go...

Dieting is not a piece of cake ~ Author Unknown