Not defined

Yesterday, I had no choice but to go get a new pair of jeans.  One size BIGGER than I had.  Seriously, it was getting ridiculous how uncomfortable I was.

At some point (not sure which point, or if I'll ever be back there again...) I realized... I am not defined by a pair of jeans.

Here's the deal, I know what size I am.  I don't need anyone to remind me.  I would like to lose weight.  But until I get a really good 'all clear' from the doc, I can't really exercise like I'd like.   I don't need a pair of stupid tight jeans to remind me of the lack of exercise and the poor choices in food I've made.

I know that I struggle with my weight and food, I always have, and I might always, I don't know.  Maybe it's that in some way I am not surrendering this part of my life over to Jesus... hmmmm..  food for thought (LOL!).

I was listening (OVER AND OVER) to the song Aftermath by Hillsong United today.  And I was praying for my heart to surrender this to Him.  To remember that I am not defined by food, by jeans, by anything other than Him.  This is not to say that I am giving myself permission to make poor choices, or give up this battle. This is to say that I refuse to wear those things around my neck like an anchor, that causes me to sink lower and lower.



"Aftermath"

[Verse 1:]
The skies lay low where You are
On the earth You rest Your feet
Yet the hands that cradle the stars
Are the hands that bled for me

[Chorus 1:]
In a moment of glorious surrender
You were broken for all the world to see
Lifted out of the ashes
I am found in the aftermath

[Verse 2:]
Freedom found in Your scars
In Your grace my life redeemed
For You chose to take the sinner's crown
As You placed Your crown on me

[Chorus 2 :]
In that moment of glorious surrender
Was the moment You broke the chains in me
Lifted out of the ashes
I am found in the aftermath

And in that moment You opened up the heavens
To the broken the beggar and the thief
Lifted out of the wreckage
I find hope in the aftermath

[Bridge:]
And I know that You're with me
Yes I know that You're with me here
And I know Your love will light the way

[Chorus 3:]
Now all I have I count it all as loss
But to know You and to carry the cross
Knowing I'm found
In the light of the aftermath

More than a conqueror!

The last few weeks have been difficult.  No gym, slowed down in just my average day, tons of stress.  It's been difficult.

I'm thankful for a lot of things...  I started to put together a plan of what I will do when I get the boot off, and the crutches are just something that stands in my closet... but until then... my pants are getting tighter.  I could give you a million excuses.  But I won't.

Not only have I been using my crutches to stand me up, I've been using food as a crutch to make it through each day... I didn't really notice how bad until I reached for a bag of M&M's before I had to make a difficult phone call.  OUCH!

I was listening to a sermon today that referenced something that RT Kendall said...  you can measure someone's spiritual maturity by how long it takes them to confess their sin and repent.  WOW! That's good.  I am surely not very mature, however, it didn't take me long to figure it out, bring it the surface and give it to God.

Also, the problem with making plans too far out, my plan is to get a trainer, back to the gym... is that sometimes I tend to do nothing now or I make plans to relax, eat what I want... my day will come soon enough, but that's really not ok.  God doesn't call us to stand on the side lines in order to bring Him glory, there are things I can do now.  I can do my kettle ball, shoulders, arms.  Crunches, leg lifts, sit ups.  All I can do while being off my leg.

And so today... I started. Back to it.  More fruits and veggies, planning my meals.  I won't quit quitting! I am a conqueror, I am MORE than a conqueror in Christ Jesus.

So here I go... again!

Romans 8:31-39 ³¹ What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ³³Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. ³⁴ Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. ³⁵ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ³⁶ As it is written:

   “For your sake we face death all day long;
   we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”^[a]

 ³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[b] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.